Judge — July 20, 1889 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. Publisher Art Depart Baditor TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. SS One copy, one year,or s2 numbers = $4.00 One copy. six months, or 26 numbers - "Sco One copy. for sy weeks sn tam ingle copies, 10 cents each 1 = FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS— To alt for- ign countries in the post. $5 @ year. THe JUDoE PUBLISHING Company (Jupce BuiLpisc), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th St, New York. CPT We cuarantee advertisers a larger circulation at cheaper rates than « Amer irical paper published. The Juvcn ts for sale at Brentano's, 17 Avenue del Opera 4p Strand, London. y other Don't give up the s! oe RATOR- T° J. LAWRENCE The man who doesn't celebrate. THE HAPPIF CE bd HAT IS LIFE without a meal?” asks a despairing man. of course, that's death, Why, EVERYBODY has a method of distributing the funds contributed to suffering Johnstown—everybody but the people who need the funds. T°? MR. BOWEN—It may be an advertisement, my boy, but there is no better stock than Woodstock. EART FAILURE is the great trouble among dis- cases, because it so happens that everybody dies of it. Y MAN who can- not be tipped is the under- taker, and he is greatly amazed at the persistency with which the corpse ignores ‘him, eee ‘OBE in the swim is not the greatest happiness. There was a man who got there sufficiently to be taken out of the East riv was dead, and he UNPOWDER is necessa in time of war; but— safe to say it now, and the dear boys are the same boys that most of us used to be— i ity that every cracker hasn't the power to blow off the hair of the youth who fires it in time of peace. Crry vistror =" W Mk. Hawnrck —"* HILE IT IS TRUE that Governor Foraker t: much with his mouth, he talks enough with desired destination within the time pr account. sat times a little too logs to get to the cribed, and that balances the THE ENTHUSIASM for those prize-fighters was great. ‘Their journ to the battle-ficld was a triumphal tour. Is there not some signi cance in this? How would it be for Messrs. Blaine and Cleveland to think of it? [7 MIGHT be a good idea for the daily newspapers to give up all their space to announcements of the attractions of their Sunday editions. At present they reserve a third of their space for news and commendation of their extraordinary enterprise, and there’s too much news. te]F HORACE GREELEY were a Chicagoan,” sa Times, “he would have had a monument years was a good man, and therefore he is not a Chicagoan— opposite direction; but if he had been a Chicagoan he wouldn't have cared a continental whether he had a monument or not. OUTGROWN HIS FATHER. —"*You ain't seen my son afore, have yer?" Very likely boy, isn’t h ou bet he does, when he gits riled. ‘round th’ barn this mornin’ ‘cause I spoke kind 'r irritated to him, E HAVE heretofore mentioned the fact that our Chauncey goes abroad on a day briefly preceding the fourth of July. ‘There is no absolute treason in this; but when Chauncey runs for president he will have to have British gold to set him right before the excited populace. PROFESSIONAL WIND. NOTHING in this world requires so much nerve and diplomacy and audacity as the bluff that precedes a prize-fight. One stands in ad- miration of it when it begins, in fear of it as it proceeds, and in awe of it when it is demonstrated that it was, after all, merely the pretension that * ought to provoke nothing but contempt. THE SOLID MULDOON, F YOU are sick and want to get well, hire Doctor Muldoon. have a leg off or if you want a leg on, hire Surgeon Muldoon, If you wish to be athletic, hire Trainer Muldoon, ‘There Js nothing in this busi- ness of health, recuperation, or restoration that that man Muldoon doesn’t understand, and so says Mr. Sullivan himself. If you HINT. THE REPUBLICANS of this state want to look out for the legislature, ‘They need the senate particularly, and the house especially, and in an off year your friend David B. does much of his surreptitious and delicate work. It is a pointer, too, for your uncle Grover. Suppose the legis- lature should be changed po- litically, what feathers the young man David would carry in his ambitious hat! And npending m's seat ABOUT HAIR. THE STORY that William Walter Phelps wears bangs to hide a scar is denied, and very truthfully and_ properly. Mr. Phelps wears bangs be- cause it pleases him to wear bangs; and if anybody doesn’t like bangs all he has to do is to attend to his own hair and business and look the other way. Because this is a free country for both Mr. Phelps and the tittle-tattler who wants to manage all the affairs of this world except his own. ‘akes after his father.” ‘Took after me four times WHAT OF THE MUGWUMP? NDEPENDE adulation of Cleveland, on which the large free-trade element in the Democratic party depends, is a very fugitive and uncertain support. laying fast and loose with politics, perturbed from its path by some local or accidental asteroid, its swerving cannot possibly be calculated. If the party, so recently defeated on the delusion of helping the American tax-payer by cheapening foreign goods and en- forcing idleness on our own people by such displacement of their labor, should cajole its leaders to recreate one of the old style of elastic plat- forms, it is a question if the discontented infallibles would surely follow such a leading. Such a scheme might engender political torpidity, and an abstinence of mugwump voting altogether, as leaving too little a choice between such a probable Democratic and such a positive Republican evil. The highest mugwump authority states that the “independents” cannot permanently join either of the ¢: ing camps. Their votes being ruled out of the primaries of each party, because differing from both, they are only to be satisfied with their own special methods of national salvation and reform. Therefore, not being allowed a voice in the nominations, and barred by its own scrupulous exclusiveness, its al- egiance, if gained, can be gained only by some successful glittering and dclusive proposition that, like the whirling spoon of the angler, tempts the fish to swallow a worsted fly. The creed of the mugwump is narrowed comicbooks.com