Judge — July 13, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

222 JUDGE A DOMESTIC DYNASTY. A TRAGEDY OF THE BATH. Bridget Il, popularly called the : Lunatic, whose chief aim seemed to be ASN 1. surnamed the ‘oiler by the to sugar the soups and salt the pud- ical head of the family. Con- Z ding-sauces. Banished to an asylum stitutionally opposed to rising with the > known as the nonintelligence office, lark, but affectionately inclined to the EN after reigning one and a half day, and larks that fli by night. After a reign of seven days, in which most of the i f dishes were beheaded, she was de- sade ? * executive ability, but a victim of alco- posed and succeeded by - fa 4 holic heredity and temperamental per- Bridget 1, popularly called the & eae 4 > manent irascibility. After threatening Seven-days Flirt, on account of pos- B Ne 4 the lives of the entire household, from sessing an admirer for each evening ~ { Mis" << the English mastiff to the maa of the in the week. Giddy, pretty, and ex- 2 house, was requested to abdicate. Re- ceptionally blessed with incompetence, : 7 fused, intrenched behind a breastwork an article already sufficiently furnished 4 2 rr. of the best china, using knives and by the three young-lady graduates in } forks for defensive weapons. After a the family. She was rusticated in No- h | severe struggle the regiment of law vember and followed by a reign of : and order, known as the “bluecoats,”” terror, during which the said young = 1 z ; were triumphant, and she was im- ladies did the work. ‘Then descended gia . prisoned for high treason, End un- upon the kingdom of kitchen ' recorded. Succeeded by Ann II, recommended in the highest Ellen the Pirate, whose vocation terms, and of a top-lofty and ignoring lightened the home of many super- disposition. Felt it to be her mission fluous articles, and the appearance of to rule in the only right way—her way. When meekly requested to cook — whose kingdom on the third day resulted in a council of war which de- the tomatoes, responded, oracularly, “Cooked tomatoes isn’t healthy,” cided to “give up housekeeping and take our meals out." ‘The prime and served ‘em raw. After a reign of six weeks was forcibly ej y minister and her cabinet now spend their mornings repairing the the combined efforts of the head of ravages in the kingdom, and the the house and his mother-in-law. head of the house smiles and says “1 Succeeded by told you so,” AMISTIN. ANDRESON, Norah, surnamed Lightfoot, on account of her abnormal pedal d . See een velopment. Her capacity for kick HE HAD BEEN ‘THERE, ing” was correspondingly great, and ‘ \ A young man who was about after three days of solid stubborn- entering society took council of an ness she abdicated in favor of her . a \ s. fold friend, cousin, ie ; ook, “What shall I talk about to the Bridget IL, a queen of the “may : \ “AY “young lady 1 dance with?” do it if 1 like ter"; generally didn’t - \ ¢ ‘Her beauty.” —born weary, Could not be im-—4A(~ a WAY LX . “But supposing she hasn't pressed by any must, could, would, Lad] ; * \ \ - “Then dwell on the or should power, But after several 4 KN \ Es plainness of all the other wom: pitched battles between her own on aa a vil of the eae, wes +O yoret TO BE SURE! posed, vowing vengeance, and suc ceeded by 3 Se) «Roger (with youthful self- A regency of four days, in which . A ~ _approval)—“Papa, that strange boy the mistress of the house poured oil Z b , > over there asked me to let him ri on the troubled waters, got the ship : 2 my bicycle while I was playing tennis, of home safely anchored in the har- . . 35, st 1 told him no, not :nuch. bor of good order, and then turned His father (anxious to impress a over her command to fesson) —""Well, my boy, that was Sophronia, surnamed the Cook, whose reign was chiefly remarkable for scarcely generous. The good $ an wouldn't have acted in that way.” the mystery surrounding her surname, no possible evidence ever being given Roger—“Oh, the good Samaritan was safe cnough. He knew the by her as to its origin, Deposed without loss of time, and followed by fellow wasn’t going to get up and run away with his mule.” Mr. SHELLEY —"' Here there! Bring those clothes back !" —"'I do hope those ladies won't turn around till I get by!" Cnorus—" Why, where can that have come from?” Ma. SHELLEY (in 2 very much muffled tone) —"* Poor doggy—good doggy !" comicbooks.com