Judge — June 29, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE A STAGE ILLUSION. VICKER ‘n scat th’ curt'n went up, ‘An’ what dyer spose I see? Brijeve mee not. Lan givin’ it straight; HV ain't Pm willin’t pay th freight Ona liar bigger ‘a me Jest in front of th’ twinklin’ lights Stoad th’ caountess of Vollyvents, ‘An algo the eaount, as big as lite ‘An the way he bussed his. peetty wile Hay As th’ play went on T got reel m: BAe Nos"enen th lane a€° wus throu Lwur sick an’ tired of th" dinged aflair, An" grabbed my hat an’ gotout o there "An started home t* you SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. NORANCE is not innocence. It is never a pleasant day for the cloudy spirit. It is not innocence, but ignorance, that bet One learns to distrust many things—one’s self among others. A simple sincerity is the most effective antidote against affectation. The art of waiting is one of the finest, and is worth cultivating at some pai It takes a long time to learn that individual tastes are not the only ones to be respected. Even a cursory examination will not fail to surprise that little grub insincerity at the root of all affectation. Every storm-cloud hangs out a rainbow; but humanity is extremely liable to temporary fits of color-blindness. What Carlyle lamented is fast becoming true, The last years of the nineteenth century are rapidly driving the final nails into the coffin of the devil, and the twentieth century will have relegated his remains to Now here's th’ rub—as I went around ‘Th’ comer ketch a keer, I'ma sneakin’, mizzer‘ble son of a gun IL didn't see in a nigh saloon Them nobles a-drinkin’ beer. G. STORIES OF PETS. FAMILY live in Harlem who never have any clocks in the house, be- cause a canary which they have always warbles the hours. At twelve o'clock the bird turns three ckward and si ‘clock each morning by the strains of “Bid Me Good-by There is a horse in Cayuga county who likes to climb up the ladder of the stable into the loft, and from thence to the roof of the building and slide down to the ground, Ilis re- peated performances have made the roof so slippery that when lightning struck the place last summer it glanced off at once and fell to the ground, ¢ stable unharmed sconsin farmer owns a the exact color of ich is called The dog is very fleet, and will overtake anything in the country. His vorite amusement is to run in and out and between the the place occupied by the kin- dred myths of witchcraft and necromancy. Peace to his ashes! It is the rift in the cloud that is appreciated. We have all to pass through that period when laughter from our lips would be the hollowest of mockeries, and when, from the lips of others, it strikes upon our ears like a sound from another world, But in- voluntarily, willy-nilly, we emerge from this transitional period, and some first day the sound of our own ringing ighter startles and thrills us to the soul, “Ah!” you are growi young again.” Most subtle deceit! How can they know that we are reaping the harvest of old age? If a person of ex- treme y with renewed vision, or even cry our friends, rs may be blessed whee press Is of a fast-moving ex- The farmer is greatly attached to him, and last week refused an offer of three dollars which a traveling A VETERAN'S APPEAL. receive a sccond set of teeth, why should he not be able to rejoice in the renewed faculty of laughter ? train, "t yer help an old soldier, mum?" BENEVOLENT LADY —"* Poor fellow, here's a dollar for you. Were you wounded ?” ArvLicant (pocketing the bill) — mum ; but I wuz ‘mong th’ missin’ twice. BENEVOLENT LA * How terrible!” When was it?" i the Wi ” XK EROSIRAN, AvrLicanr—" Jest afore th’ battles of Antietam an’ th' Wilderness, mum, showman made. A cat in Mississippi recently gave up its life community, ‘The river was very high, and the dike which had been built to keep out the waters gave way in one place iced, when the cat passed fairs, crawled into the and the water was pouring in unne by and, realizing the condition of hole and stopped the flood. It is estimated that $80,000 and a number of lives were saved by the heroic feline, and the villagers have built a beautiful tomb of red granite, carved in relic imal. A cow is the property of a poor widow in the Ohio val- ley who supports herself by taking in washing. Every night the winter when the cow comes home to be milked she brings enough wood and brush on her horns to keep her mis- tress in fuel for the next day. If her pasture-ground is needed for bleaching purposes the cow goes into a neighbor's corn-field to eat. She always rests under a tree during the noon-hour, and starts to eat 2 precisely. ‘The cow is of a sky-bluc h mice over the bones of the in at one o’cloc ‘olor, dappled with yellow A CHANGE OF PROGRAMME. Sion JOBLOTS on Tuesday “the same. all night till the broad di in the morning. pitch voice entered the door, seized Simon by the ear, and con- stood in Peters’s saloon at 11.30 o'clock ight, having imbibed numerous draughts of Becoming hilarious, he shouted, * We'll dan light, and go home with the girls Just then a tall, thin woman with a high- EVIL. ‘ve succeeded in converting every man in thi we together influence Hook-nose Sam to turn over a new leaf 7 Gyawen Ruvey (he 4 Twouldn't nowise do, parson, Why, we wouldn't have a soul left to swear at th’ mul camp excepting cluded the ditty with, * You'll not dance all night till the broad daylight, but you'll go home with your wife this evening.” comicbooks.com