Judge — June 22, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “HOW THE SKULE WUZ BUILT. S old man Patterson passed away From this teneament of mortial clay He called his children beside his bed, ‘An’ slowly an’ solemnly he said: “Tnever hed no chance ter I'arn, With my row ter hoe an’ my salt ter ‘arn, ‘An’ mebbe ‘tis my head's tew thick Fer readin’, writin’, an’ *rithmetic. Bat, Hiram an’ Sophronisby Jane, These is my wishes, clear an’ plain, Thet ye put up a skule-haouse, stick an’ staff, An’ each on ye is ter put up half. Ef ye hev'n't done it inside a year, ‘My will an’ testyment hee it clear— ; n't poor ner wand'rin* yit— ceat will ye git ve old man hed “em fast; the pricks an* ast A dozen lawyers ter break the will, An’ spent the'r money ter dew it, till They'd done a plenty, fust an’ last, Ter run a farm, yit the will held fast. Ter build wuz the best way aout 0” the fix, Jane, fer the looks 0” the thing, said bricks. But Hiram vaowed, e2 sure e2 his name Wuz Hi, dis half should be honest frame. ‘They argyed an’ argyed, sister an’ brother, Tell they warn’t on speakin’ terms with each other, Tell one day they sot on the old rail fence, Watchin’ their sep'rit men commence, An’ tryin’ ter show they didn’t keer An’ each didn’t know the t'other was there. Day after day, like tew old crows, ‘They sot while thet wonderful skule arose, ‘Tell it wuz finished an’ made an’ done, The darn’dest skule-haouse under the sun One side mortar an’ stone an’ bricks, ‘Tother plaster an’ paint an’ sticks ; One side high an‘ t'other low, Ez ef they didn’t know which ter go. They sot an’ looked at the humly thing, Thet wur neither fit fer winter ner spring : ‘An’ they thought o' the money throwed away, An’ the workmen demandin’ double pay Hi looked at Jane, then daown he stepped, ‘An’ they fell in each other's arms an’ wept. Isit standin’ yit? Oh, yes; the taown, Hedn't no power ter take it daown, Go over by Jenkins’s, daown the lane— You couldn't miss it, it's clear an’ p! An’ you'll sce the darn'dest o' districk skules, ‘A monnyment ter them tew old fules. A DIFFICULT REQUEST TO COMPLY WITH. Reb-eve Piuxkertox —'"* Now, you drab-busted coyote, say slow an’ distinct, * I'l take hack all Tever said about Mister Punkerton,’ or by jimminetty! I'll shoot !” NEEDED A TELESCOPE. Miss Tawke (trying to mal am an astronomical enthusiast. hit) —"Ab, Mr. Stiliwater, I Never do I so realize the insigniti- cance of mortal man as when contemplating the glorious gz With what a thrill do I recall my college days—memories of the evenings spent at the observatory, watching and becoming acquainted with the constellations. But 1 am reminiscencing.” Mr, Stillwater —" Oh, Miss Tawke, Lam delighted at your fond- ness for the science. You will appreciate a good story which [ just heard. A humorist was boasting that he could make a pun on any subject introduced. A by-stander interrupted him with,‘ Ten to one you can’t make a pun on the constellations.’ The witty fellow’s reply was, ‘ By Gemin-i-Can-cer.” Stillwater turns to Miss Tawke, who wears an expression of sus- pense. Miss Taw, Stillwater smiles a y smile and gazes at the stars. COULDN'T GIVE AN EXPERT OPINION. So you're interested in bugology, ch?” “Yes; [have made it a study for years.” “Who has the largest and most varied assortment of specimens in this country “T would not like to say. There are many hotels in the country that I have never visited.” _ A RESPITE. Calter (to friend) —" It is such a pleasure to be out again, 1 don’t know when I've enjoyed a day more. I've been so busy this HE SIZED THEM UP. Mrs. Parsuuey (a Nebraska) —"* Can you furnish my husband and myself a good dinner? We're nearly famished. . Me. Reeve (ef the Crawford ranch) —" Cert, marm, Bulger, go out an tell th’ boys ter dress a steer an’ a small prairie-chick, an’ hurry up.” “You have engaged an extra girl, then, and are enjoying Caller —* Why, no, not exactly, The girl we had went home to her mother to-day, and I am enjoying her absence comicbooks.com