Judge, 1889-06-15 · page 7 of 16
Judge — June 15, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous pieces typical of Judge's satirical format: **"A Seasonable Proposal"** uses baseball metaphors to describe romantic confession—a man expresses love using baseball terminology ("double plays," "tie the score"), playing on the era's baseball enthusiasm. **"Not the Lightning Calculator"** mocks a chronic talker who loses a bet to stay silent for two hours but breaks after forty minutes, making a pun on his inability to control his speech. **"Hunkey's Patent Florida Bicycle"** is an advertisement illustrated with absurdist inventions—bicycles adapted for land and water travel—poking fun at the bicycle craze and dubious patent innovations of the period. The remaining pieces are brief joke formats: "Too Good to Be True" uses a heaven's gate scenario to satirize dishonesty; others parody everyday social situations (losing composure at a train incident, marital advantage-taking, courtroom mistaken identity). These represent Judge's typical light satirical approach—social observation and domestic humor rather than political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE : 159 A SEASONABLE PROPOSAL. HUNKEY'S PATENT FLORIDA BICYCLE. TIE was enthusiastic about the national game, And T-to pat it mildly—was somewhat of the same. So as we watched the home club, one sultry summer day, My love grew ever warmer, till it had to “say its say.” Rut ‘owixt my heart's two throbbings (for her and for the game) My words got sort of twisted, though they were scarcely tame, Ww darling, if you'll listen’ ore a sky-scraper, Steve ” Il tell you how 1 love you” hat score Vd scarce be- lieve.” ever loved another so welll as” and I'm as happy as you are Til own I've made some errors, and pitehed a little wild, “; But this same ball I'm playing—/ lone you." ‘Then she smiled. IL not he left on bases, your double plays count more, 1, umpire, call the game, dear, and we will—tie the score.” NOT THE LIGHTNING CALCULATOR. Jones, who is an everlasting talker, was recently inveigled into betting two dollars that he could keep his tongue still two hours. Forty minutes had scarcely elapsed when Jones shouted out in great glee, “Three cheers! The ti PUTTING A GOOD FACE ON IT. A Munich illustrated journal represents an unskillful Nimrod standing in the forest surrounded by a number of sarcastic-looking hares. “ Well,""remarks Nimrod, philosophically, as he brings his gun into posi- tion, “I'll miss one more of you and then go home.” TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, AT THE pearly gates. St. Peter Candidate St, Peter Candidate St. Pete rob the bank and skip to Canada?" Candidate —* No.” St. Peter fer swear to a false bank-statement 2" Candidate No. St. Peter —* Just join that band of impostors over in that corner, You'd make more by telling a straight story up or water, A SUI pF APOLOGY. A stout woman ina railway-train sits down on the silk hat of a fellow-passenger. “1 say, madam, you really should be a little more careful how you throw yourself about,” exclaimed the owner indignantly, “Oh, beg pardon, sir. [thought it was—my husband's.” TAKING A MEAN ADVANTAGE, Ata wedding-breakfast the conversation turned on longer “In our family,” said the bride's mother, “ we live to be very old. ‘There was my father, a druggist, who did not die until he was over a hundred. “And you never even hinted it to me,” said the newly made son- in-law in a reproachful t A STRONG LIKEN A FLORAL DETECTIVE. In the police court ec . “Prisoner, your face seems familiar towne, 1 think you were here Mus, pe Stowt—"* Tell before I left on my via ; * Your honor should be careful not to get me mixed up with my He smelt the hybrid rose in Sister. We all bear the most striking resemblance to each other of any city. family you ever heard of." comicbooks.com