Judge — June 8, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

(Good-by, Helene.) Dear girl! Ob, she JUDGE 143 BUYING GLOVES. F ALL things, Jack! And where on earth did you appear from, pray? knows better than to stay, Although we started out together shopping down Broadway. I rather think she hopes to meet that handsome big George Wright. She k: T'd do as much for her if he should come in sight. Oh, yes, she’s very fond of him, and he’s attentive, quite. Las going shopping, truly, Indeed, I must. Now, dear, You needn't talk such nonsense, Does it seem 0 very queer ‘That Ie really out on business and can’t stan id chatting here? Good gracious! Go uptown with you? You foolish boy! Rut sce, I raust be home for dinner, and tis almost half-past three. T've quite a dozen things to get, and Nell may wait for me. ‘What are the dozen things? Well, gloves (I ought to buy a veil), <A yard of lace, and—gloves, But Iam not bound to retail The list. They've got nice gloves at Hand’s to-day—a special sale. Of coarse I'd Zove to go with you—you know I would. Is always my temptation, and I should enjoy a lark. But no—no—no, We couldn't possibly get home till dark The park Tean't, Twon't, Idaren't! And you shall mot call a hack. Thee levated's quicker. + + And please do listen, Jack. I really must stop somewhere for gloves, as we come back. NOT HIS TURN. Woodbce Smarte (as pretty shop-girl gets on the car, pointing to chunk of gum over the window by Thaw’s yaw gum, Sis (offering it to him) i's my cousin's turn to have it this trip, but 1 am sure she'll lend it to you, for you certainly need something to hold your mouth together.” expense the of the following distinguished people upon the all-absorbing topic of contemporaneous human interest, “The Evolution and Status of the Dude.” In these days of many symposia this one will ea- sily be awarded the palm Cuorvs op 4 MR: Cruse: Mr. Hot Mr, SwitzER— Mr. Goway OvR PooD-DISPENSER —"* AN IRREPRESSIBLE Bertie Pa, a stream is a streamlet, it?” Pa—* Yes, Bertic.” Bertie—" Wall, pa, is a cutlet a little cut, and a hamlet a little ham, and agimlet a little gim,and a pamphlet alittle pamph?” Pa—"Oh, go 1 want a. little little isn’t away, “Well, why NO POETRY IN HIS “No,” he sighed, we: rily, as the t toward the big there isn’t much poct my life.” “What might be your business? in the same seat. “Lam employed by a leading publishing house to examine all verses sub- mitted to it for publica- for novelty, originality, frankness, and general imaginative quality. E—aW RW. X.—The dude was once a man who loved a blush-rose so passionately that he lost his brains in the attempt to express himself. That is why the dude nowadays halts in his speech, for his language is too profound to run smoothly. Any attempt at easy in collapse or hysteri Pror. R.O— s, Bellevue hospital medical college. —This is to certify that the specimen of the dude submitted to me was subjected to chemical analysis, and, strange to say, when I got through with him there was nothing left of him, ‘There was a very minu! t left in the chief retortewhich under the microscope looked like the chewed end of a paper cigarette, but I won't swear that even that was left of him, (Please send check when convenient.) T—s A. E— The dude is destined to become the best substance for a carbon substitute in the electric light, and the sooner he is made use of the better. Dr. J—-N H—, New York university.—The dude en- ters as a freshman, but by the time he becomes a senior he learns how to classify himself and wilts. Genus Lemuride, mostly nocturnal soft wool (instead of brains), and looks best when stuffed, Some day they will be used by ladies for their hats in- stead of humming-birds. E—Rr S—s.—A youth with flamboyant manner (see Fairholt on Architecture), with an air of eternal sopition (obso- lete- that's why I use the word) about him, eyes as opium-soaked as an eastern houri’s (a mixed figure, but one which will give me an advertisement), and a tongue as cloquent as a buzz-saw in- tent on busine: E. 1 Ww 1.—A dude is the noblest work of the tailor, haberdasher, shoemaker, and barber, nd correct conversation ends brown g; NATHAN SLEW, CHAMPION ELECTRI LOVETH A CHEERFUL y ic GIVER 10K comicbooks.com