Judge — May 18, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 99 GRANDPA'S FOIBLES. How vividly now come the scenes of ‘my childhood, As fond recollection presents them t0 view ! And well I recall how the household get “riled” would At certain queer things that my grandfather'd do. His manner of working up weather decisions, cobbling his shoes and his gingham ‘‘umbrel,” And, above all, his habit of hanging provisions To cool in the depths of the old-fashioned well— ‘The milk and the puddings, the meats and the butter, He'd hang in a basket to cool in the well. Ah, though at the time I was naught but a ‘* shaver,” My palate’s vencered with the essences rare This habit engendered ; and oh ! what a flavor ‘The coffee would have when, some day, unaware, ‘The rope would give way, and the old basket flutter Clean down and distribute the sundries pell-mell— To wit, about four pounds of rank cooking-butter, Etextera, etcetera, to soak in that well— Such vehement butter, the very worst butter as taken to season a well, Wade Whipple in Richmond Dispatch, ‘That ever When Baby was sick, we cave her Castoria. When sho was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria. When she had Children, she gave them Castoria DON'T, Men have gained a reputation for great wisdom, and men have written books upon this reputation, by giving people advice about what not to do. They sa "t do this and ‘don't do that. Now, my son, that is all very well so far as it goes, but it doesn't go half-way to the spot. A bridge a hundred feet long is of no earthly account if the river is two hundred feet wide; you get just as wet wading half the distance as you would if you forded from shore to shore. The trouble with ‘the “don't” people is, they tell you to don’t” things that you never thought of doing.” If they could tell you all things you should “don’t,” leaving but one thing to do, that would make things ‘easy for you. But they can't do this. They say don't” do a few things, and leave a hundred things untouched which you can't for the life of you tell whether to do or ‘“don't."” A man who can tell you one thing to do is worth ten thousand advisers who tell you a few things to “don't.” A pilot who avoids the rocks is good enough if he knows all the rocks, but he doesn't; for there are ten thousand of them, and he knows only 9,500 of them, and is in constant danger of smashing you on some of the unknown soo, But the man who knows only one thing, and that one the chan- nel, he’s safe, He may not know where not to go, but he knows just where to go, and that is the main thing— that is the only thing, in fact. When a man tells you to *don't,” ask him what you shall do; and if he says he doesn’t know, smite him for personating a prophet under false pretenses. Out on the whole ‘*don't” crowd—mis- crable comforters and pilots are they all. —Burdette, Mothers give Angostura Bitters to their children to stop colic nd looseness of the bowels. Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons, sole manufacturers. Atall druggists. CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. Ofer we got no faults, it vas lookin’ pad von high to dook pbleasure in opserting dose of odder people. Dears vas nadure’s lotions von der eyes, und dhem eyes vas besser to been vashed mid ‘em. “Conversation warms the mind,” said Benjamin Franklin, ‘That won't do for children, however. The slipper or boot-jack beats conversation all holo Detroit Free Press. “Ab,” said Miss Flirty, ‘it must be nice to hav sailor beau, for they have nice long arms. Such a p: tection ! I know it’s so, because I read in a book about their bracing their yard-arms."—Ocean, THE CELEBRATED } “" PIANos ‘Are at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St, W. ¥. SOHMER & CO., Pintapetenta, Pac, tt03 Chestnut Street: Cuicaco, Tn Street: Sax Praxersco, Cat, Union Club Building: Sr. Lovts, Mo,, 1523 Olive Street Kansas Crry, Mo., 112 Maia St When a lot of nobodies meet in caucus it is hard for them to believe that they are not the supreme court. ‘The more nobody they are the more supreme they feel.— New Orleans Picayune. She—'* What a fanny cut his tail off he wouldn't be so funny.” what do you mean?” /e—"Then there wouldn't be anything of the wag about him."—Boston Herald, CATARRH CURED, A clergyman, after years of suffering from that loathsome disease, Catarrh, and vainly trying every known remedy, at last found a recipe which completely cured and saved him from death, Any sufferer trom this dreadful disease sending a sell- Addressed stamped envelope to Prof. J. A. Lawrence, §8 Warren Street, New York Cily, will receive the recipe free of charge. “Dr, Tanner was not the first man who lived on water for forty days,” said Smudge. ‘* No?" queried Fudge. “Of course not.” “Who else?" what's the matter with Noah Letter, “King says a news note, i deautiful child with a laughing face and fair hair falling down over his shoulders.” ‘Things in Spain must be taking a backward tendency indeed when the face of its ig takes to falling down over his shoulders. — Yonkers cx is by far the best of the holi- day humorous papers. It has white and gold covers and there are many appropriate things inside them,— Rochester Post-E xpress, ‘The genial spring skips o'er the lea, ‘The time when mankind grapples With chills and fevers, burning leaves, And pie made of dried apples. —Dansville Breeze, THE KODAK. ANYBODY can use the Kopax. The operation of mak. ing a picture consists simply of pressing a button, One Hun- dred instantaneous pictures are made without re-loading. No dark room or chemicals neces- ‘A division of labor is whereby all the work hing the pictures is done at the factory, where the camera can be sent to be re-loaded. ‘The operator need not learn anything about photography, He can “press the button” —twe do the rest, Send for copy of Kopak Primer, with sample photo- graph. THE EASTMAN DRY PLATE AND PILM CO, Rochester, N. Y. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. PRICE 825.00. DE MASSA OB DE SHEEPFOL'. De massa ob de sheepfo!’, Dat guard de sheepfol" bin, Look out in de gloomerin’ meadows Whar de long aight rain begin— So he called to de hirelin’ shepa'd : “Is my sheep, is dey all come in?” O den says de hirelin’ shepa’d, * Dey’s some, dey’s black and thin, And some dey’s po’ ol’ wedders— But de res’ dey’s all brung in.”” Den de massa ob de sheepfol’, Dat guard de sheepfol’ bin, Goes down in de gloomerin’ meadows Whar de long night rain begin— So he let down de ba’s ob de sheepfol’, Callin’ sof’, ‘Come in! Come in!” Callin’ sof’, “Come in! Come i Den up t’rou' de gloomerin’ meadows, T'ro' de col’ night rain an’ win’ An’ up t'ro’ de gloomerin’ rain Whar de sleet fa’ piercin’ thin De po’ los’ sheep ob de sheepfol’ Dey all comes gadderin’ in ! —Sallie Pratt MeLean, VISITORS TO EUROPE TIFFANY & CO., Union Square, New York. Suggest to visitors to the International Exposition that they will find one of the interesting attractions of Paris a visit to their estab- lishment, 36 bis AVENUE de L’OPERA Where can be seen probably the largest, most valuable and comprehensive collec- tion of Precious Stones and rich Jewelry for sale in Eu- rope. In addition to the advan- tage of so large a stock to select from, purchasers have the security of the full en- dorsement guarantees and privileges given by the New York House. 1,438 RESPONSES ALREADY | WE 20k every reador of the JUDGE to send 10¢, for a SUSACUAC SPOOL-HOLDER, as it 1san indispensable conventence to every+ body. THE BOOK ANTIQUARY, Easton, Pa, R OB POP c: Yad Court at Gest —domet 028, Tat AEs Renu Rempel lemon wiih nt a Miss Guskerly (young and stylish, rising from net seat in horse-car)—"* Won't you take my seat?” Miss Prudely (elderly and plain)—"* Bat why should T de- prive you of it?” Aftss Gusherly—" Oh, T'll have a Seat given me when you wouldn't, you know."—//ar- per's Bazar, comicbooks.com