Judge — April 27, 1889 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

COURT NEWS. HE heir-apparent to the throne of Austria has not been made appar- ent as yet. If Alexander of Battenburg needs money he can raise it on his wife’s notes, as she is a prima donna. Queen Victoria still eats four meals a day. that is all she has to do, except write books It is very expensive, but If Boulanger would decline to fight a duel with some rabid republi- can it would go to show that he was a fit person to occupy a throne, A reward i lost last fall. offered for the return of Bismarck’s temper, which he Morrell Mackenzie is believed to know about it. King Milan has discovered a new plot. It was a plot in a graveyard where a tomb was being built. The king is not worried over it, as a ~ graveyard plot would not take his life. The king of Spain de- lights in thumping the prime minister with his sceptre. The English house of lords should rightly be called the house of commons. The reason is obvious. No late advices from Africa make any mention of the king of Uganda killing anybody. It is supposed that the missionaries have con- verted him. It is understood that the emperor of China selected his three wives from an or- phan asylum so as to be free from mothers-in-law. Later — They have no orphan asylums in China, so his majesty’s matrimonial venture is regarded as a fool- hardy act. THE PSALM OF STRIFE. Lives of plumbers all remind us We must mae our bill sublime, If we wish to leave behind us Fortunes worthy of our time. DUPLICATED HISTORY. MAMMA—"* What's this Frepp stressful screaming ? "I'm George Washington an’ Toots is General Putnam, ai turing Ben'dic’ Arnold to get him to sign th’ constit AT THE MARTHA WASHINGTON PARTY. Miss Custis-Le rendered, Mr. Linsey. Mr. Linsey (under his breath)—"* 1 wish, by all that's holy, he had!” My great grandfather never sur- THE PROPHET OF THE MOMENT. (HEARD ON THE STRI March 28—Bright, warm, dusty. Prophet No. 1—" 1 don’t believe we're going to have any more cold weather. * I've noticed for so many years that when it gets warm and dry about this date it’s sure to stay so.” March 29—Cloudy, warm, dusty. Prophet No. 2—" Well, old boy, our winter's gone, sure. Never saw any snow after it gets warm and cloudy toward April. ‘Clouds above and dust below knock out snow.’ March 30—Cloudy, cool, dusty. Prophet No. 3—" Spring's come to stay this year. My grandfather's way up in G on the weather, and he declares that when it’s dusty, cool and cloudy on the thirtieth of March, the backbone of old winteris broken.” March 31—Cloudy, cool, rainy. Prophet No. 4—"V'm positive it won't snow an- other flake this year, As far back as I can remember, when it rains and is cool to- wards the last of March, the snow might as well take a back seat.” April \—Two inches of snow. Bright, cold. Prophets 1,2, 3 and 4— “1 told you so.” OSCULATION. They say by favor kissing goes. O maiden fair, come prove to me That thou wilt not resort to blows ‘Should I thus seek to favor thee. TOO . ANCIENT. Waiter (to diner)— “Have some Washington pie? Diner— No; give me some that was baked this year.” A racing man generally belongs to the equip-age. we're tor- of independence.” comicbooks.com