Judge, 1889-04-27 · page 16 of 28
Judge — April 27, 1889 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece reimagines the 1781 British surrender at Yorktown as a humorous negotiation between General Cornwallis and George Washington. The joke plays on contrasts: Cornwallis, presented as vain and self-pitying, arrives bearing his sword but first removes its jewels as "heirlooms." He proposes that rather than a formal, dignified surrender, they settle the matter by gambling with poker dice—essentially suggesting they leave the outcome to chance. Washington's response (shown in the illustrations) involves practical indignities: darning his stockings, juggling a box, and enlisting his soldiers to mock the letter by enlarging and displaying it as a banner for army-wide ridicule. The satire mocks British aristocratic pretension and self-concern while celebrating American democratic plainness and humor. It celebrates Washington's dignity through his willingness to treat a solemn military surrender as an occasion for irreverent fun—suggesting American superiority through moral clarity and lack of pretense.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE ONE OF THE “JUDGES” WAR PAPERS. skin breeches, and that they always acted that way in damp weather. Waving his guest to a seat on an empty barrel,Cornwallis opened the conversation by asking Washington if he had a flask about him. As- sured that he had, and taking so long a pull that the father of his country ‘an camp at Yorktown, and such revelry had to be impolite for once and knock his arm down, the British gene: could be invoked by an attenuated quality of remarked, “1 want to assure you, sir, to begin with, that it is emphati Virginia apple-jack reigned supreme. Early hot enough for me, without you asking the question, In the second place, that morning, while General Washington was here's my sword, "You will notice that | have taken the diamonds and sitting at the flap of his tent, darning a hole rubies out of the hilt as heirlooms for my children, but the rest of the in one of his stockings, a courier had come pon is all there, and ought to satisfy you. In the third place, I've got in from Lord Cornwallis bearing a letter, Washington had glanced at it, a proj . You know, George. during this little fracas of handed it back again with the request that it be type-written and marked ours I've been away from home, while youve been right among your own “ Dictated,” and later in the day had received it in its perfected form, and kith and kin. Now, I've been writing letters to my friends in England issued it as a basis for general orders. The letter read as follows : telling them that everything was going well, that | had you cornered for + Vouxrowy, Viecists, ashamed of the date. Keeps, and that any demonstration of public approval on my return would General George Wath Ington, Commander-in-chief of American Basht-Basookt be received with becoming humility and appreciation, As a fortune of met tixourny sie When in the course of human events or rather. give me liberty or war you have reversed the situation, and if it gets out there'll be lower- Seen somewhat occupied by matters pure! for the past few weeks, but what | berth future state to pay. Asa weak and humiliated man appealing to a want togetat is that fam very anxious ler everything I've got in the world for strong and powerful one I want you to accord me a privilege.” We ereienin, sed ecitncit the ees Seine to Renta ehere ool roln tae foraile “What is it?" asked Washington as he fired another cartridge to be Socially, To this end 1 beg of you to meet me with such uf your staff'as you have influence sure that his gun was in working order. and have a chat on the subject. You ki Fr een et Ei be tness Twant you to shake me poker-dice to determine whether we have Tonight at yo o'clock. digguised. asa negro. c ; to'we you. | a dress-parade surrender, with flag civilities, etc., or let_ matters go as they think this thing can Bs settled amicably and without unnecessary publiity. Believe me. are, If you beat me I'il have the whole army, rank, file and dragon, 9 dee Kener, your (Fiend who Knows sehen he's manleanicigaed) Comwatun® presented to'you to-morrow at 3 p.m,, and slip off to Canada to let time poultice my Washington, with the gentle tact that was always an attribute of his, had the letter enlarged by photography and hung asa banner between two flag-poles, and during the day and evening the army surged under it with yells of “No, no, no years more,” and“ Corny’s in th’ cold, cold tion, If 1 ground,” while sallyvos of artillery and music by the band added their fePMaton ‘it charms to the occasion. Promptly at 10 o'clock that night Washington eal Yousyou ni got into a dress-suit, called a cab, and repaired to the old mill. With the — 'SSUe ine ohne exception of a hair-trigger, seven-shot Colt’s revolver, fully charged, he Srapring a note was alone, as he was never the man to hurt anybody's feelings by an AOS Paro. fo ostentatious show of numbers, and besides this he was a trifle ashamed of WY Me Na the uniforms of his lieutenants, his adjutant having ap at eit any cee mounting that very morning in his shirt-sleeves, owing to a cannon-ball bats ak How hole through his coat, does: te stake Reaching the rendezvous, Cornwallis met him at the door, and ¢ te s ping him familiarly on the shoulder caused one chamber of the revolver YG Oe, ay 10 be discharge: 7 but Washington ington. = eased over the “Certainly,” and the lord pro- duced the cubes with the remark that ever since he paid a. visit to Portland, Me., he always went armed. “Shake!” commanded “Darning a hole in one of his stockings.” Washington, haughtily. Cornwallis did so,and announced “Five sevens on the first throw.” ‘Washington jiggled the box a moment and spilled out an ace, two, four, five and six, and before his opponent couid catch his breath for an exultant yell, hissed through his teeth, “Two out of three, you caitiff !" and shook again. This time he used his own dice, dexterously twitched from the folds of his ruffled shirt-bosom, and shook four eights and big casino. Cornwallis got a bob-tail straight with a twelve-spot high, and on the next trial failed by one in tieing his adversary on fourteen aces. Tl give in,” he said, but you'll adinit, general, that there's something wrong with the dice. There's something wrong with Cornwallis also,” said_ Washington, quietly, as he took another explosion out of his pistol, “and I'll trouble you to meet me on the plains of Yorktown to-morrow with what assets you have in the way of an army. I'll be sure to be there and reporters shall not be excluded. Get that burnt cork off your face, and have another sword handy, as I want the thing done up in'style. Good-ni like rain, doesn’t it ?" and the immortal George disappeared in the gloom. Cornwallis simply groaned, and staggered off in the direction of the British camp, with the hoarse exclamation, “ Coppered by a fakir.” Benson J. Lossing does not mention this incident in our country’s history, probably because the drift of the narrative is un-Washingtonian, but the writer feels that the large contingent of our citizens who are sitting up nights oe ing to learn the mystery of poker-dice ought to know how the cubes “Washington juggled the box a moment.” Were manipulated by these two chieftains of the Virginia cam; comicbooks.com