Judge — April 13, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SPRING BLOSSOMS. Each youth and boy Now whoops for joy In idiotic mirth— DW is the time When poets rhyme And editors go mad. When bills are due, While base-ball nine And flats are new, Their schemes combine And vegetables bad. To want, and get, the earth. “Tis now we note How vest and coat Look strange and out of style. Yet bravely say ‘They'll last through May, But know they can’t the ‘The painter man With brush and can Jostles us on the street; We step in line While hammers chime ‘And planks trip up our feet. Oh, season drear, We know you're here, But don't prolong your lease. Don't lounge about— Get out, get out, And let us have some peace! Paras HINTS TO FATHERS WHO HAVE MARRIAGEABLE DAUGHTERS TRAIN your clocks to strike only every two hours. If you have a dog give it to some friend—for the time being. Never grumble audibly about the dress-maker's and milliner’s bills, Always let the young man see that you wear slippers in the evenings. ‘Take all the tidies from the sitting-room chairs. Men are adverse to tidies, When you go to the theatre as chaperone always hire a carriage to go home in and then fall asleep on the way. An invitation to dinner once in a while will either make the young man feel at home or else scare him off. ‘This is a good way to learn his intentions, Join the club to which the young man belongs, and if necessary ask him to see you home late at night. ‘This will be an advantage to you, and also make the young man feel that he was “ solid" with you. Do not make use of patent gas-extinguishers which turn all the lights out at ten o'clc ‘The young man might take it as a hint to go, and he had better regulate the light to suit himself and the girl. AT HIS WORD. Mr. Jess Wedde (to his bride) —" Please pass the sugar, sweetnes (Looks up in some confusion as the waitress hands him the sugar-bowl with unusual al Suppressed laughter from the other boarders.) TEMPERED BLISS. Cot. Gourker—"' It seems too good to be true. accept an old fellow like me?” Miss INcENuE—"' Well, you sce, colonel, mamma was beginning to act so silly and girlish over you that { had to'step in to prevent losing her.” How did you come to NECESSARY TO SUCCESS. Bagley—"\ want a little advice. My friends tell me to adopt litera- ture as a means of livelihood. What is the most necessary thing to do first?” Editor —* Get somebody to give you a good big bank account.” SUSPICIOUS ACCESSORIES. Mx. Winkatoké—" Kick? Why bres yo" heart wouldn't kick fer ter sabe he’s life. Jes’ put dem glub: he’s a liddle tender behin Me. Hoxvs—* Umpah, “Spose he broke dat arm o” yourn waggin’ he’s tail, comicbooks.com