Judge — February 16, 1889 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE TIMELY. HERE isa strange paradox in weather economy this winter which makes both the ice-man and the coal-man sad. ‘The ice-man is lugubrious because the indi are that he can't find the material to store for purposes of robbery next summer, and the coal-man feels the same count of having too much of his material for the same purpos nd shedded. In the midst of this trade tribulation it is refreshing to watch che small boy on k pond. ‘The ice has just skimmed the surface his weight in places, and he is full of joy for the reason that when he inv y sits down his basic point. scrunches softly through without the consequent wetness is easily ed by lying over a log on the shore and letting the warm sunshine play on the part involved. How the eccentricities of nature seem to even themselves! ions on hand ncussion, HIS VALENTINE. She's now my wife, and on my life, Though then T must have meant it; (Pray never tell my secret) Well— wish T hadn't sent it. I sent my love a valentine, She guessed it came from me. And quick returned a tender line ‘To say her heart was tree. TONE L. Jones, IT ALL DEPENDS. With (aged twenty-three) —* Really, I'm astonished, Janie, that you have not more self-control. The idea of being so v use you have received a com entine! It should not © A lady never allows herself to be controlled by her feelings in that way; never, under any circumstances! Is this what y do about? (Reads.) ‘A sauce-box.’ Oh, Janie, this is very funny —it really is most comical, Look at the expression of that eye. What! you're not crying? Oh, 1 wouldn't be a baby whatever | might be. Why, here’s another, *A deceitful old maid." This is too absurd !- How could a girl of fourteen be an old maid ?" Jane (half smiling) — ‘t mine, that’s yours. Ma opened it in a mistak ‘dith— Mine? Who has dared to send such a valentine to me? Who has f 1 can only find out the miscrable—the contemptible wretch! Oh, dear, ! (Bursts into tears.) What have I ever done to deserve—oh, wh— !" anie (sotto voce)— Who's the baby now RULES OF SOCIETY IN REGARD TO VALENTINES. Home-made valentines bespeak stinginess. It is always more genteel to prepay the postage on valentines to your sweetheart. An inlaid mother-of-pearl valentine_is not necessary where only a colored paper one is looked for. é If there is a snow-storm on St. Valentine’s day be sure that there is nothing on your valentine about * slaying.” . If your sweetheart 1s named Lucy, do not address an original verse to her. “ Goosey” is the only word which rhymes with her name. ed be se you even to frown, en ing such dared—oh, A SEVERE Orricer Murritv—"Go on. yer droonken vagabond ! ‘There goes yer bottle inter the barrel, and_yez'll yo inter the station house if Oi catch yez around this'beat agin to-noight, Hear me talkin’ 7" REPRIMAND. “Great hiven ! Oj haven't tashted the loikes o' that whishky since Larry O'Flynn sold his place on the carner.” PURELY ACCIDENTAL. There, Dinah, after a long search all over the néighborhood, we have finally found these three shirts in your house, ‘They were taken from ‘Squire Pogram’s clothes-line night before last.” . Divait—" Huh, gemmens! I know'd dey's dab all de time. Why didn't yer done axt me on de fust start? Ver see, 1 wuz takin’ a short cut from meetin’ on Sunday nite to ‘scape de rain and cummed fru de ‘squiah's gwarden, It wuz dat dark I couldn't see nuffin’, an’ fus | know'd, kerslap went my umbriller agin de squiah’s shirts a hangin’ on de line. Co'se I know'd de dirty umbershook mussed up de shirt buzzums awfully, so de leas’ | could do wuz to bring ‘em home an’ wash ‘em up fur de missus. Fro ‘em in dat cornah on de wood-box, an’ when I get ‘em done up I'll bring ‘em ober to de ‘squiah CHEEK. He looked at her with glances bold, And thus his ardent wishes told: 0, could I dare, fair maid divine, To kiss that blooming cheek of thine: Grigd she, while eyes her anger sp “Well, [ad ‘our blooming chee! Weak men are never over-bold, but they are often bowled over.