Judge — 1888 — page 66: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. il ' THIS is a dainty, trusting little letter, CW) Hidden securely in its square white fette (3% Showing, methinks, as yet a dimpled pres- sure Made by a hand than violets far fresher. Dear little cover, ah, good luck! a pity It.were to tear you, had not roguish Kittie Sealed with her blossom lips, so red and fragrant, Within you bere a missive sweet and vagrant, You're open — ah, what's this? love you, =—— And so I take this means to’ firmly glove you— Good bye."——The mitten! better, Til light my pipe with this provoking letter! AN UNPARDONABLE OFFENCE. “He may be a nice young man,” said a grieved young lady, “and I don’t object to a little flirtation now and then, but I feel as if I had been grossly insulted.” “What was the trouble?” “Trouble enough. He swung a bandana handkerchief.” AT OLD BOOKSTALL, 1988 “What have you in old bibles?” “We have no call for what used to be known by that name in the effete nineteenth century. But we sell an unlimited number of these.” (Hands out a well- thumbed volume labeled “ Afail and Express Texts: choice earl edition, the good Shepard’s notes, original changes and ex- purgations in full; also the list of his tabooed printing-office oaths alphabetically arranged.”) UNDOUBTEDLY. Jones was yesterday delivered of the following aphorism. It is warranted his latest : “When I wake in the morning and find it cloudy, I know that in case it rains we shall not have fine weather.” wonderful!" MODERN TITLES. “Isn't that a new novel you are reading?” inquired the land- lady of the new female boarder as they sat in the parlor. “Yes ; ‘Silent Struggles.’” “Oh, I thought it was ‘A Deafening Quietude.’ It has the same colored cover.” THE BLOW TO FALL. Mrs. High Society—* Let me tell you in confidence, my dear, that Lord Rap- scallion of England is coming over to make us a visit. He out-Marlboroughs Marlborough.” Miss Plantagenet DePeyster—*\ knew Mrs. Paran Stevens would have a serious blow some day. Allow me to congratulate you, my dear.” THOROUGHLY DISSOLVED. “It is my melancholy duty,” said the chair- man, “to report the dissolution of Brother Hard- h since this meeting last adjourned.” . “Why.do you call it dissolution?” asked the member from Wayback. “He was blown up by a can of dynamite and scattered over six counties. Perhaps some of you fellows would rather have me say— pulverization ?” CANDOR. Straitout (on his winding way home from the lodge at 2.30 a.m.)—“Of course she'll wantcher "ve been, Be saffly honest, ole I tell my wife ev’thing that Crafty (on his winding way home from same lodge at same hour)—"So do I. But I go fur- ther’n you do. I tell mine losh o’ things ’at nev hap’ tall.” HE NEVER SEES PEOPLE. Lots of people in town now,” observed a man in an elevated train to one in the next seat. “T don’t know ; are there? “ Why, yes, the streets are full of them. Can't “1 do not Well, for want of you see for yourself?” “You evidently don't know that I’m a street- car driver with a day off,” replied the man EDWARD wick. softly. HIS DECISION. Cuorvs oF PLAYERS (after a brilliant double-play)—" How is HON. CHOLMONDELEY JARVIS (who has been chosen umpire because no one else would serve) -‘*Blawsted HAD TO BE DONE. “ Say, doctor, can’t you bleach this nose of mine in some way ?” asked old Bibbler. “It is possible,” replied the doctor, “but I think you will find it better to let nature take her course.” “ But I'll be left sure if I do,” returned old Bibbler. “ You see I’ve just received the nomination. on the prohibition ticket.” AN IMPOSSIBLE HYPOTHESIS. Brown was courting a charming widow who turned a deaf ear to his solicitations. “The door of my heart is closed,” she murmured. “But,” urged Brown, “the late la- mented could not certainly have carried the key away with him.” "TWAS EVER THUS. W’en yo’ bacon am gone, de man dat would len’ yo’ can’t an’de man dat could len’ yo’ won't. comicbooks.com 1 1 1 1