Judge — 1888 — page 62: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE HE WASN’T ENGAGED. ANT—“'T see you've bi chus bein’ broken on the wheel. Artist—* Yes, but you don’t seem to have the necessary physique.” for a model to pose as Grac- Avpticant—" Physique? Why, my dear man f I've been the loose-jointed wonder with Barnum’s show for ten years.” HIS CRITICISM OF A SPECIAL LITERATURE. Mr. Slewedback came home from the village post-office last Monday evening with a copy of a famous fashion weekly which had been put in his box as a sample. After supper he lighted his pipe, strolled down to the old stone-wall, and finding a corner that prevented the sunset glow from coloring his nose by reflect- ing from his glass-eye, he unfolded his easily-acquired library and began to struggle with its contents. Just two hours later Mrs. Slewedback saw him coming back in the gloaming with a pained expression on his face and the spasmodic hitch at his overalls that portended a mind ill at ease. “What's the news in the Pertective Dimocrat, Hiram?” she asked him, as she leaned out of the window, ‘* Hanner,” he replied, as he blew out a cloud of smoke which caused three young robins to fall out of their nest in the horse- chestnut tree. above ; “this ain't no Perfective Dimocrat, It's a story-paper with pictur's into it, an’ of all th’ dog-robbinest fe you ever set th’ wust. Jest look 'r that! See all them gals, purty ez sidehill squashes, an’ all harnessed out in silks an’ satins an’ vilvits, an’ a din’ ‘round a waitin’ fer some feller t’ come ‘n’ ax’mter tal dip of ice-cream, an’ then when yer turn t' th’in- side of th’ paper t’find out whether hecome, an’ what they said, an’ who married that leetle rosy-cheek’d gal in th’ corner—th’ one with them plumes onter her hat—what d’yer find? Listen, wife: Nawthin' ‘cept ‘they is agoin’ ter be more parchmentary fringe wore this year than st, see fig. one’; an’ “bonnits comes high- er than they did,’ an’ ‘a correc’ taste tat- no, tabooes in’ th’ dress with th’ heels when yer ADDING INSULT TO INJURY. Street-car conductor (to young man who had injured his dignity)— “You're altogether too funny. It’s a wonder you don't try to set the East river on fire.” Young man—‘ What would be the use? You'd be the first one to try to put it out.” NOT STRANGE. The wife of one of X.’s friends, having lost her husband, wrote him a detailed account of the melancholy event. “My poor Edward had three attacks; it was the last that carried him off.” “Tt would have been still more remarkable,” thought X. to him- self, “if it had been the first.” A VIVID DESCRIPTION. Rounder, inquiring about a fellow rounder, of their mutual friend the bartender. “ Have you seen Smith this morning?” “Yes,” “ How did he look?” “Well, I think that by sticking a pin into him you could get a cocktail.” ESCAPED FROM OBLIVION. Stranger — **1 tell you, friends, good thing for a to mingle with his fellow-men once ina while, and feel the ee plate: , Hanner! 1 bet th’ feller thet runs that paper got his editor off on a surgin’ drunk an’ then let him ‘scape int dress - m ter cool off. “Whar's my gum- shoes? I’m’ agoin’ doown jer Hicky’s ter read th’ las’ num ber of th’ Police Re- cord. ‘They tell about their pictur’s in that.” Der almighty sees eferyting, und it v wood been tuff on some fellers ofer he tolt about it. — Carl Pretzel. me so much of som Seconp, First ENGLIsi Girt. —" Oh, to be sure it is!" inguished Am: A REMINDER. First ENGLisi Girt. —"T think Lord Wellingford such a handsome man, you know. He reminds nL have seen.” ASH GIRL —"" Perhaps it is Buck Taylor?” pulse beats of civili- zation.” Inquirer — “Been on an exploring ex- pedition?” Stranger — “No; not exactly. I’m the ticket agent at the Battery-place station, on the down town side” SOURED FOR EVER. A man soured by long mis fawchune kin nebbah become good nachud an’ hap- py, no mattah how great de good luck dat comes toe ‘im later. He am Jaik an ole vine; cask dat nuffin’ kin sweeten, comicbooks.com