Judge — 1888 — page 56: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

54 NATURAL GAS HOW IT WILL BE DONE IN THE FUTURE. Europe—*‘ Yes, What number?” America— Give me 9,999,999. You can talk now, madam.” Manager international matrimonial bureau—* Hello | service.” American heiress—‘ I'm number 5,417 on your register. I wish to enter the holy bonds of wed- ' lock before that despicable little . widow Catchim. What have you in thetitular department?” Manager—“ I regret to state that our supply is somewhat limited at present ; but we have one live duke, penniless.” Heiress—* Cuat-of-arms gen- uine?” Manager — “Bona fide, way back.” Haress—“ Good. I'll take him six weeks from to-day, please.” Manager—* You understand that you are to foot all the bills for the wedding and pay my commission?” Heiress. — “Oh, certainly. How much? Manager — “ About $60,000 for the first, and a little trifle for me—say $25,000.” Heiress—“ All right. Present my name and compliments to the duke, and tell him I send telephone orders to-day,in my private cipher, for a solitaire diamond ring, sapphire scarf- pin, and a check for $10,000 for his present contingencies, to be delivered at once. His name and address?” Manager—“La Longa Sek moneta, Tumbledown Palace, Brigandazia, Italy.” Heiress — “By the way, what's his age and style?” BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF. Mr. SMARTUN—No, Miss Jones, they can’t deceive me ; 1am not such a big fool as I look.” Miss Jos (endeavoring to flatter)—“"No, indeed—I discovered that long ago,” At your fy) fle ON di FAULT OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Youne apy (speaking of the chamber of horrors at the Eden Musee)—'* Dear me, never saw anything so life-like ; they looked exactly like dead men.” FROM JUDGE. Manager—* \'ve forgotten ; but I can look it up in a minute.” Heiress—* Oh, it’s of no consequence whatever. I'm in haste to begin ordering my trousseau. Good-bye.” HIS NAME HIS MISFORTUNE. Mabel—“ No, Mr. Kidder ; I can never be you Kidder-— And is it thus you treat me, after leading me on to hope for your hand? But } : Vig Z ey %7 — Youneed not think to escape \ abe without explaining the reason eet for refusing my love. Why 7 \ will you not be mine?” pé Laan Mabel — “ Because I cannot rae a capital K to save my ife. When Cupid toward me turns his bow, That's 'a pleasure that I know ; And I know the greatest bliss is When he hits he makes the Mrs. THE MAJOR PART. Brown" Major Smith says discretion is the better part of Brown— How so?” FJones—* Because, if you sub- tract the discretion from Smith’s valor nothing will re- main.” PACKED IN CORK. “ Why is it,” asked a man of a fruit dealer, “that Malaga grapes all come by the way of Ireland?” “T never heard that they ” answered the fruit-dealer. “They're raised in Malaga.” “Yes, but they’re packed in Cork, aren't they?” AN AFTER EFFECT. SWELSON (after @ long, long dinner)—" Drash s’ch matches ’s that! They won't light ’tall.” Mrs, SWELSON - “ Don’t you think, dear, that if you'd put the cigar in your mouth and take out the match you'd get along better?” comicbooks.com