Judge — 1888 — page 42: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. A BACK-ACTION PRACTICAL JOKE. Mr. Densuade has asked Cousin Barclay to lunch with Mrs, Dé de and himself, but is detained at the last moment and sends word to that eff m not going to wait for the stupid old thing. 1 think on without him. How fortunate that he couldn't come!" Mrs. Dens! the whole Barctay—" He isa trifle of a bore. Remove the cover, waiter! BUZZ SAWS. You can’t blame the hen for a bad egg It takes a good salesman to get what he asks. The rat often gets caught twice in the same trap. The human rake scrapes very little together. The bad boy who tells a whopper is apt to get a whopping. ‘There is more money than honor in abor candidate. ave often to play the yame of life when we haven't any trumps. When the bald-headed man goes to the theatre he grows short-sighted. The man who agrees with you in everything expects to be paid one way or another. The man who believes in speaking up according te h size often thinks himself big- ger than he is. ‘The burglar who breaks in- to a house at midnight and frightens a woman almost to death has no need of telling her to hold up her hands, be- cause that is the first thing a woman does when she is scared. JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE. Wife (who has been driven nearly frantic by a habit of her husband) —* John, I read :to- day about a man out in Min- nesota whose wife killed him because he said ‘I want to know” so much.” Husband (surprised) — “1 want to know ! RESIGNED. Brown was taken suddenly ill, “ Your case is a serious one,” was the doctor's verdict on being called. NEW MODEL DUELLING PISTOL. Designed for use in French duels. if NATURAL METAMORPHOSE. Densuade (who has done a little waiter bribing an hour before) isn't as happy as he thought he was guing to be. EVERY MAN TO HIS TRADE. Distinguished burglar—*What do yer think o’ this mean plano’ workin’ gentlemen off by ‘lectricity? Hangin’ ’s good ‘nuff fer me, everytime.” outs (unlucky horse jocke: Well, I dunno. ‘The thing has its good points. If there’s anything exasperates a man after his race is run i'ts the thought that he lost it by a neck. CLARA IS IMPROVING HER MIND. Clara — “Oh, Marie! you don’t know what you've miss. ed by not joining Professor Muhlbach’s French history class, It's intensely interest- ing. I had to coax and coax before I could join, the lectures are so awfully expen: at last poor dear pa could not help seeing how instructive they would be and what an ad- vantage to me. Marie—“ What was the sub- ject of the first? Clara—" The first —why—let me think—oh, I could not ten to a word of it. That horrid Green girl, the one Charlie has become so infatuated about, sat just in front of me. I studied her for a whole hour and can't see that she has the least attraction.” Marie—What was the lecture about?” Clara—‘Why, yes, of course —it was—why you know— bother !—I can’t remember. It was too aggravating; little Mrs. Crocus had on a spring bonnet, and do you know, | was not quite near enough to be sure, but I could almost swear it was the same one her cousin from Philadelphia wore here once last season just be- fore her husband died. “Pll hunt you up Professor Muhlbach’s prospectus.” “Now, doctor, tell me the truth ; Lam brave; [can bear it| What cemetery would you recommend ?” Miss KaTe—* What an anglomaniac you are, Mr. Pinks.” - Mk. P.. —Ah--ya as to be sure, Ye know, an easy thing that, to become Yo’ may bea good tinkah, an anglomaniac in these days, Miss Kate. ty body ull know hit ‘less Kate —"Yes, I presume so; especially where one is a maniac to begin but nobody ull know hit ‘less a yo’ yell fo’ leaky tinware. comicbooks.com