Judge, 1888 · page 39 of 72
Judge — 1888 — page 39: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge contains several satirical pieces mocking American society circa 1880s: **"Why the Horse Smiled"** depicts a coachman's practical solution: when ladies insist on driving despite poor skills, he attaches the horse's reins to the carriage front—making the horse control the vehicle, not the incompetent driver. The satire targets wealthy women's demands for independence without actual competence. **"Rural Correspondence"** is mock small-town boosterism, parodying provincial newspapers' breathless coverage of local merchants and trivial events (a watering trough, squirrel hunting). **Other brief jokes** mock the U.S. Navy's weakness (willing to flee combat), incompetent dentists, and men's shallow observations about women's fashion. The overall tone is genteel mockery of American pretension, incompetence, and vanity—typical of Judge's satirical approach targeting the educated middle and upper classes.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. 37 RURAL CORRESPONDENCE, PHILADELPHIA, June Ist. Ye local enjoyed a drive of three hours last Friday with Col- onel Corker behind his lightning trotter, ‘Jersey B.” Col. Corker has just opened a new stock of hardware at his emporium on Market street, where he will be pleased to have a call from all his old friends and many new ones. Minchost Gutworth of the pop- ular caravansary known as the Bikestaff hotel, has placed a new watering trough in front of his premises which is greatly appre- ciated by the horses of his many customers. Mr. Gutworth fur- nishes first s entertainment for man and beast, and we know whereof we speak. The free- lunch at the Bikestaff is the best we ever saw in our life, and mine host Gutworth know how to treat ye weary newspaper man. Gunning is good in this One of our local nimrods t fourteen squirrels and a wild tur- key last Thursday in Washington WHY THE HORSE SMILED. square. John, the coachman, has gone on an errand, the gentlemen Weare indebted to Mrs. William the ladies are bound to have a dri ON THE ROAD. 21 itte : are * This er—bodice must go on this part of Bunker of Rittenhouse square for that —well—er-corsi $s ly Miss KATE “Itscems to me, Elsa, that the tighter @ Mess of onions from her own ys to the piece : —-you hold the reins the better w long.” garden—which we will long hold e're all right, for I'm sure in fragrant. remembrance.” Mrs. Bunker is the lovely wife of our enterprising townsr Bunker, whose soda-water emporium on Chestnut str the resort of the elite of this place. ‘To boom thin; let the hell-hounds of the opposition know that he holding the fort, the major is this year selling twen tive soda water tickets for a dollar, which are transferab There is a certain cigar dealer on Arch street who will be shown up in these columns unless he is a little bit more accommodating to gentlemen who happen to buy cigars in his place and light them before discovering that they have left their money at home. We name no names this time, but we propose to do our duty as a jour- nalist, let the chips fall where they may. Many inquiries for summer board have already been received here from people in Camden, Trenton, and Con- shohacken, A number of strangers have been scen on our streets this week. Come again, gentlemen. The streets are to be sprinkled this summer with real water. This looks like business. More anon. THE TRIALS OF A DENTIST. His youngest (from the instrument ete hokey, I thought you was pop! Custer a beer givin’ laughin'.gas to old Whitey, an’ we can’t git the faucet turned back A BRAVE REPLY. Morocco oficer—“1 am requested to inform you that unless the Enter- prise desists in menacing the city by its presence in the harbor we shall open fire on her.” United States navat officer— Blaze away, sir ; but remember one thing— we shall leave the ship fifteen minutes before firing commences. 1 have always wanted to w: ratch a naval engagement from the shore.” NOT FOR FIGHTING PURPOSES “What would. you do if a vessel should suddenly open fire on you at sea?” was asked of the commander of one of Secretary Whitney's boats. “Turn about and run,” was the reply. “What! wouldn’t you return the fire? “Return the fire? Nonsense! You must have an idea that the United States navy is for fighting purposes. HE HAD MET HER. _ Grafton —" Aw—| say, Cholly, wondaw why Miss Giddy wears such awfully long sted gowns, you know ?” FASTIDIOUS. Bobley— So as to give her neck room, I guess, Ever met her in the ‘Tramp —* Teddy. will yez move furder into the doorway? This evening?” ahraft from the gratin’ is bad for me rheumatics.” comicbooks.com