Judge — 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL GAS A LEGAL QUESTION. Lawyer (to witness) —“ You say your business required you to go down into the basement four- Witness—* Ve Lawyer ow, sit; will you tell me how many times a day you came up from the basement?” KNEW IT BY THE EAR MARKS. News editor— Here's a telegram about a fire, but the name of the city is written so illegibly that I cannot make it out.” Managing edior—*Does it say anything about the building being gutted?” News editor—"Ye' Managing editor—* Date it Chicago and let it go.” THE QUESTION OF THE FUTURE. Friend No, 1—Fred’s made a capital hit with his new nove Friend No. 2—“Glad of it. from?” What DISCOUNTING THE FUTURE, Master ‘Tommy had been naughty, so his moth- er, who believed in moral suasion, said to him: “If you are naughty you will vex mamma; then she will fall ill and will die, and you will be taken to the cemetery.” 2 Master Tommy at once became serious, and 4 after being immersed in reflection a few seconds a smile of joyful anticipation beamed on his angelic countenance. Throwing his arms around his mother’s neck, he exclaimed : “Oh, mamma! can’t I sit alongside the coach- < man?” 4 THE INFIRMITIES OF AGE. Petulant wife—‘*That horrid old English clock you paid so much for last week, Mr. Chippendale, is always hours ahead of the correct time. I told you not to buy it, and you'd better return it at once.” Good-humored husband—“ That's because you would not let me stand it where 1 wanted to, my dear. Cocked up there at the very head of the stair, the poor old thing is probably unable to resist the continual temptation to run down.” ~ THE MAGICIAN AND HIS PUPIL, i Or, How Second-hand Magic Failed teen times every day,” to We FROM JUDGE. HE WHO HAS TO EAT IS LOST. “IT want a bottle of digestylin ” “Why, Professor Fastbound! The last time I saw you you were the perfect picture of health! What's the matter?” “Most dead from dyspepsia.” “What's the cause of that?” “Married one of Juliet Corson’s graduates six months ago. ‘Prefers to do all her own work.’” NO HELP FOR SUCH. Scene in the office of M. Pasteur. Sufferer—" Doctor, | have come to consult you as a last resort. Can you do anything to relieve me from the consequences of these wounds?” Doctor—“ Those are a little the worst dog-bites lever sav ‘Sufferer—* Doctor, those are not dog-bites; they are Jersey mosquito-bites.” Doctor—" My dear sir, I can do nothing for you. Next!” Where spooning is bliss’tis folly to get marricd. MAKING THE BEST OF IT. Jones was prai “1 know that Jane is not beautiful, but I have come to forget her plain looks.” “How so?” ing his wife to one of his friends. “Why, you see, Jane’s a very clever woman, Jane is.’ She’s in’ the habit of ‘entertaining half ‘a dozen female friends who are fifty per cent. uglier than herself” A VESTIGE OF PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT. “What makes you think our new boarder is a married man?” asked a boarding-house mistress W of one of her servants. “Because,” replied the girl, “I noticed that when he came home early the other morning he removed his shoes befure going up stairs.” INCOMPLETE. Jaggs—* There are restaurants in the Bowery where you can get salt pork and sauerkraut for ten cents.” Bagley—“ The deuce you say ! Surely they can’t afford to throw in a coffin at that price?” comicbooks.com