Judge — 1888 — page 83: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. GIVING WAY TO TEMPTATION. “It's the same old game—brick under the hat—but I cannot overpower my youthful recollections. I must raise it.” SPOONS. “Oh, Emeline! Oh, Emeline!” Theard a lover say— “The hours are short, I've staid too long; Sweet, sweet, 1 must away !" “Ah, Gussie dear, why hasten thus?” The maiden questioned shy— “Youare the son-light of my heart; It’s boy-ed up when you're nigh.” “I fondly pledge to you my love— [Now don’t my collar muss !] How strange it is that you seem true, And yet are all beau-Gus.”* “To-morrow week,” she whispered soft, “You must come here to dine.” He said he would, but ere that day He dropped his Em-a-line! ‘There was an old maid of Oneida, Who screamed at the sight of a speida ; She would kick at a lamb, And run wild from a ramb, But fearlessly tackle hard ceida! When heavy snows once again blockj Broadway there will be a sound of shovel- ry by night. Nine women out of ten wear the posterior appendage called a bustle either on the port side or the star- board side, instead of directly astern. earthquake?” _ Inist Coat-neaver—‘‘Howly jabers! Have Oi been shtruck wid a Charleston “The western goose- bone predicts a hard winter.” The western goose-bone invariably predicts a hard winter. As a weather prophet we have a much high- er respect for the roose-bone than we ave for the Canadian weatherologist. The former doesn’t part its hair in the middle and publish an almanac full of ridiculous weather which has to be revised five times a month. To ascertain the number of children in a street—beat a drum. ONE OF WIGGINS' QUAKES. Yours Man—‘‘Hark, darling! shock of earthquake?’ Wasn't that a Young Woman (listening)—‘‘No _goosey, that's only pa snoring in the third story.” Youxc Max—‘‘But I say, look there; picture has just been shaken from the wall.” Younc Woman—‘‘Hm! I guess ma must be suaring, too.” that | “Clata Belle” tells of a very old man who kissed two young girls and immediately re- marked, “Jennie, you wear thick underclothes and Marie doesn’t.” The girls were indignant until the old man explained. “I-know,” he said, “‘because Marie has a cold nose and Jennie hasn't. man to get so old as to be in his dotage. And yet they say it is possible for a WHERE IT IS LOCATED. A man philosophic remarked As he on the ocean embarked, “All illness is mental impression. If sea-sick I know No embtion I'l show— My mind shall restrain its expression.” By sea-sickness driven quite frantic Soon hung o’er the raging Atlantic Professor Theophilus Cummock. He gasped, “Now I'm sure, By the pangs I endure, That the seat of the mind is the stomach!" ADVANTAGE OF A BUSTLE. ‘Don't be fidgeting around on the seat like that,” said a lady in church to her little daughter. “Oh, ma, the bench is so hard I can’t help it,” pleaded the little sinner. “It's no harder for you than itjis for me,” angrily retorted the lady. % “Oh, yes, it is, ma,” insisted the little girl, ‘for you have acushion in your dress an’ I ain’t.” Rhea struck oil at Halifax in Widow.” hide-bound press, it would seem that the widow still gets there with both feet. “The In spite of the reflections of a STUDYING UP. “I hope we will become better acquainted,” said a Boston lady who was‘entertaining a well-known English writer. ‘I presume you will remain with us during the season?” “I regret very much to say I am not prepared to do so,” was the conventional teply. ‘You know I've just run over here to gather materials for an exhaustive work on American society, so I will remain only about a week.” THE PROPER FIT. Strout Otp Lapy (in restaurant)—‘‘ Some of the roast beef, waiter.” , Warrer—‘* Yes, mum. Large plate, I S'pose.” A Clear Complexion Insured. thelr old time brilliancy, are darker, the ‘whites’ are clearer and whi Lady residiny ae lady real BEE aye 5 writes: {save falthfully persevered in the fe fa my reyes. Iie very manced_ Throop mab : mat my seemed and fl iter allggether I fel Feally" made over and bora toes a the ns Wafers and at Last my ‘most wot improvement taken, all brightn ry \- the Walete the have sek ene comicbooks.com