Judge — 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WAWATESE may be called old stories, but every one has the brand of the period on it. ones All are warranted the best of their kind. The world ts pretly old, and during all the years of tts existence, mirth, wit, and fun in every shape, have had their way, and 5 nothing good has becn lost. So both truth and an modesty warrant the title. . NEVER SATISFIED. SCENE, NEAR CHARLESTON. “Well, we didn’t get the earthquake after all.” “No, an’it’s too bad arter my givin’ away my chick- ens an’ sleepin’ in the old hen-coop for mor'n a week. | If whooping would do it, Ireland would have been free long ago. Now that the weather is getting: cold, the Indian troubles will probably be blanketed for a few months. ! A bed of petrified clams was recently found on the New Jersey coast. For cating purposes they are pre- ferred to the other kind, as they are more easily digested. The police seem to have a pull on triggers lately, and the coroners excuse them for it. Sometimes it is casier to kill a rascal than it is to arrest him in any other way. We have all heard of the girl who was so particular that she wouldn't carry a watch in her bosom, but she is discounted by the one who will not permit the Christian Observer to be in her room when she undresses. “There is an old woman named Boyle, Who's living on cod-liver oyle; Though she looks like a phantom, She's the pluck bantam, And vows she wont **shufile the coyle.” Not the autumn leaf which lies in drifts; not the leaden clouds the gale now lifts, nor yet the falling flakes that eddy down, but an Uncle Tom's Cabin Com- pany with trick mules and two Topsys, has struck the town and we know the melancholy days have come. Cure ror THE Dear.—Peck’s Patent Improved Cush- ioned Ear Drums perfectly restore the hearing and perform the work of the natural drum. Always in position, but invisible to others and comfortable to wear. All conversation and even whispers distinctly heard. We refer to those using them. Send for illustrated book with testimonials, free. Address, F. Hiscox, No. $53 Broadway, N. Y. Mention this paper. TOO READY TO CONTRADICT. “Look here, Pat,” said a gentleman to his servant; “when I left the room a moment ago there were six dollars and you were the only person who could have taken it.” “Oi'm innercent, yer honor; an’, beggin’ yer honor’s pardon’ ye must have made a misthake. It wuz only foive dollars ye lift on the table.” Prof. Huxley asks: ‘If the sound of imusic doesn’t cause a dog acute pain, \\why does the animal set up on its haunches and howl when a German {band is doing its worst in the street?” ‘We'll tell you, professor. The dog ts that way because it loves music, dis waiting for an opportunity the throat. It is not a sign that a dog doesn’t love music because a_street band makes him howl. Old Mendelssohn would sit up on his hind legs and howl, too, if he could hear some of the street music of our day. | “It is the rent question that demands better home rule,’as Bagley remarked lying on the table. The money is gone, | i to grab the leader of the band by| when he pinned up the back of his vest. AT THE FLOWER SHOW. He—‘“ That, my dear, is what is call- ed a screw palm.” Suz—“ You don’t say? How lovely look with the screws hanging WHY SHE DIDN'T DO IT. Boston Girt—‘‘And so you threw Harry over, eh?” Puicapetpuia Girt—“ Yes, dear old fellow.” Bostox Girt—“Ah! Jeannette, you should have married him.” Puicapenrnia Girt—* Yes; but I knew him so well, don't you know ?” A young man, to be successful in life, should never engage in business with a capital of five thousand dollars or more. All biographies of self-made men inform us that the richest and most successful persons in this country are those who started with “a hard earned dollar or two.” A dollar or two easily earned, it may be inferred, would bring only disaster. Whenever you notice men gazing ina store window you may be sure they are looking at the newest thing in hosiery. A LITTLE LEARNING. “What size is this?” asked Mrs. Malaprop, picking up a music book. “That's an octavo, ma'am,” said the dealer. “Well, then,” she re- turned, “let me have a seven octavo. I want it to match the piano.” A young lady in Peru, INl,, ‘dislocated her jaw while yawning, and this is said to be the third case of the kind in the same place. _ Evidently there is a belief in that town that a thing of beauty must be ajaw for- jever. The Detroit Free Press says the baby cart must go. We don't see whatis |to prevent it if the nurse \keeps sober. Favorite theology of the riding school—The sermon on the mount “A HOUSEHOLD CHESTNUT.” THE COSMOPOLITA Agents Wanted. Big inducements. JUST, OUT: ICE 20 Cis, N Fanon na 8 cra ocr ‘This beautifal, | adventures, scientific and vear. TER, N.Y. de beeriber, CALL: POR AT THE Iustrated family Magazine has large table of contents; first-class short storles, travel tif and literary articles, by distinguished American and foreiga writers = ‘and foreign writers ; also enter: iments. ™ NEWS STAND roscisuzks. comicbooks.com