Judge — 1888 — page 56: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. SEVERE. THE ACTOR'S PRIMER. MATILDA ANN (rho has given Jimmy the taffy money to take care of)—" Here, you Jim weeney! come back wid dat cent. Did yer want to sneak off ter Canada wid yer boodle, cy HE HAD TWO RIGHT ARMS. : Father—*Vou say that Jack has a strong right arm to protect you through life?” Daughter—"* Two of them, father; two." A HEROIC REMEDY. Doctor— My dear sir, you have too many irons in the fire, and I notice distinct symptoms of an incipient brain trouble. You must drop your various business cares, which are so weating and conflicting, and confine your atten- tion to some one duty, no matter if it takes all your time.” Patent—* Think that will brace me up.” Doctor —* \t will, most assuredly, if you adhere to it for a month or two.” Patient—* ia ! bring me my Waterbury watch. I'll wind it.” this man goring to com-mit suicide?” itis only John P. Ham-let, the barn-storm.er, if to skip a ho-tel bill.” “ Why does he not drop his va-lis “He can't drop it, my son. It is too light to drop, and he is burst-ing his Sus-penders in an endeavor to pull it down. SUMMER RESORTS. parrel unt ought to write boetry for der noosepapers. Shange Hobb’s Corners, because there is no fool-bathing there. ny. because it is away from the deleterious salt sea air. kie, because it is near the Hudson, and Schoharie, because Buffalo, because it has one of the most charm- ing cemeteries in the State, ause it is within a thousand miles of the Adirondacks, from which, however, it is always advisable to stay. Watertown, because it is so far away from New York, and Amsterdam, because it is so near that most charming Summer resort of them all AS NEAR AS HE HAD. “Have you Rabelais?” asked a lady in a bookstore. “No, ma'am,” was the reply, “ but we have the stenographer's report of the Colin Campbell divorce case.” AN ENTRANCING VISION. “Polosse, coomble-se here. You read in dot Bible auf dot Hebrew’s shildrens peen in der vil- derness more ash forty years, unt ain't got any new collodings in all dot time, unt vas come into der bromised landt mit der same old coats unt pandts vot dey shtart out fon Egypt mit.” “Yaw, fader, I read me dot alreaty but vot kind of galgulations you make out fon dot?’ “Polosse, you got no inshtincts for peesness. Mine crashus, Polosse! uf I peen in Jericho mit dis shtock auf collodings ven dem Hebrews comed ofer I could hought der elefated railroad from Cyrus Fieldt unt hadt tree tousand tollars left to shtart a new shtore in der next town.” Hon “Fader, you got a level headt like a flour owen tould me, an’ Oj Mistress—* Why, Honorah, what are der card on dot bair of pandts from 4o inches to 33 vot der dew fell on unt shrunk last night. Crashus, vot an idea dot vos!” OUR NEW HELP. you doing?” jee, ma'am, Oi hed a little shpare toime afther bastin’ the duck as yez ught he wud look a bit betther av Oi sewed a few buttons on his Lrist.” comicbooks.com