Judge — December 15, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CONTENTMENT. HHAR'S folks eroun this mount- ing side ‘Thet hev no use fer winter ; They ‘low they can’t no-way abide Ter see the snow drift inter The coves an’ ridges "bout the spur, Ez ef ter stay fer good : But me, I like it passels, fer My wife totes in the wood T don’t go much on summer life, ‘Thar's too much work ter do; Erthough ye may bev trained yer wile ‘Ter plow an’ plant an’ hoe, Ye'y got ter boss the job yerse"f iffer whut's yer mood : Jes’ gin me winter's chillin’ breaf, My wife totes in the wood. My jints gits slack before the fire, An’ thawred untel they're meller, ‘Ao’ w'en the flames go rar'in’ higher 1 feel another feller. Lain’t a-keerin’ fer ter change Wuth princes ef I could: Let them ez wants ter, leave the range— My wife totes in the wood, I set content an tell myse'f A man is on’y human ; He gits th'oo life heaps better ef He's hauled th’oo by a woman! He larns ter hey the peaceful smile ‘Thet ev'y feller should Who kamly bakes his shinses while His wife totes in the wood. EVA WILDER MC GLASSON. A TWICE-TOLD TALE, HE maiden aunt of W sprained ankle, which isa g filiction in this busy world, whe are marrying and dying, and now and then getting into scandalous trouble, The maiden aunt is ever eager for news, and since her accident Wesley has been catechized until he was sometimes weary; yet, finding th y piece of information was liable to get him a reward of merit of not less than a penny, he persevered as a reporter. Not long ago he came rushing into the house like a young cyclone, zather breathless and with excited “There has been sumpthin’ az/u-happened now, Aunt Sarah, and no mistake!” cried he.“ Merc aimed Aunt Sarah; * what is it this time? “Why,” said Wesley, very of Lawyer Ka nipp’s office they was digging for a well, and they dug and they dug, and they come to a box, and it wasn’t very , but it took seven men to lift it and ‘twas all rotted to pieces, and they knocked off the lid and guess what was in it!” “Gracious!” said Aunt Sarah, “ How should [know ? What was it?” “Why. ‘twas a woman, and she was all bones, and nothin’ on her only clothes and bones, and her hair was long, and her face was all cut up as if ‘TEACHER: Petey Gric *Whad kims aftah D?* sley Hooker is kept indoors by a ¢ people Now I knows hit's brains. ny extraordina fast, “down ba she was murdered “ For goodness sake!’ “did you see it? "Yes, and they are going to arrest some one, and [ run all the way here to tell you, and I wisht I had two glasses of soda-water, fer I'm most tired to death. “You're a good boy, Wesley, to think about your sick auntie, and you may have that ten cents on the bureau.” Wesley immediately possessed him- said Aunt self of the ten cents. “T guess I'll go back and see what they're doing about it,” he said, and he departed as suddenly as he had come. HIDDEN IDENTITY. Onris—"' How are you, Tom?" Hoakex—" No bunco with me, sir! I don't know you.” OnKis—" I don’t blame you, old boy, I'm Jack Oris,” My fiancée, who lives in Montreal, sent_me this cap, and I’ can't afford to hurt her feelings by not wearing it.” A SETTLED QUESTION. 1GGs—"" I wuz always a wonderin’ whedder dat gal's head wuz brains ‘er watah- When Wesley came in to supper the family received him coldly. ey Hooker,” said his father, ‘et Kaynipp’s office yard Well, mebbe it didn’t sake “ Did they dig, and dig, and find a box all rotted to pieces ?” “Well, mebbe they didn’t find a box, but they dug.” “Was there a skeleton of a woman in that box? did it take seven men to lift that . but there was seven there,” “Well, mebbe it wasn’t a woman, but there is bones in Lawyer Kaynipp’s yard, for I saw ‘em.” “Are they human bones Well, mebbe they ain't hu- ‘ou're a wicked boy,” said Aunt Sarah. “Did you get soda-water with that ten cents ?” No reply. “You'll never get another ten cents.” No reply. “Wesley Hooker,” said Wesley Hooker's father, “you may go to bed without your supper.” And Wesley went to ate a pocketful of cookies and cheese lately smuggled from the pantry, a new, highly sensational ten-cent novel till dark, and then slept the sleep of the unjust. is roon Dims. GRORGH ARCHIBALD, CHARACTERISTIC. “ There is one characteristic which you Americans have that I have never been able to account for,” remarked the English traveler, as he began to thaw. “Why do you always reply to a question by asking another?” “Do we?” innocently responded the Yankee. comicbooks.com