Judge — December 15, 1888 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE IN A BOSTON DRAWING-ROOM. Mk. Horgisox—"* with the wine?" Miss Scuaws (front Cincinnati, who is going through the eastern refinement prexess}—* Thanks, awfully! I'd ever so much like a slice of coffee-cake and a Pig's understand "tI get you something from the supper-room to go PARALYSIS IN CRIME. A COUNTRY NEWSPAPER once threatened to publish the names of men within its jurisdiction who had sold their votes. A feeble man came to inquire about it, and having been told that it was so said after a long pause, “ Say! what can you expect of a man who's had paraly We observe that a corrupt alderman in Pittsburg was defended by his lawyer on the ground of paralysis, but the judge has sent him behind the bars just the same. fugitive keg which, rolling off the top of the heap outside of Baden- schneider's door, had taken a spiral kind of reel around the corner. He bounded for it as the lion bounds for the gentle antelope, and lifting it tenderly with the air of a connoisseur he murmured, “ Sog’s in luck fer wunst. Dey’s two canfuls if dey's a drop!" Leaning back until his solitary suspender creak ed, and getting a good flat-footed brace, he raised the wooden beaker to the level of his chin, applied his parched lips to the bung-hole, drew a long breath and prepared to receive the choicest blessing Which ever comes to the wanderers of his clan. As the keg approached the forty-five degree angle, and was slowly raised to the vertical, a pained expression came over the face of the would-be im- biber which quickly changed to one of sheer disgust, and as he dropped the keg he gave-it a vicious kick which sent a lost sole flying high in the air, and croaned, “ By gravy! I've heered of a feller named ‘Tantalus, but I'll bet my teeth against a beefsteak he never had ter try froze beer! Bac HE FAILED TO SELL. NoBopy ever came into an office with a more insinuating grace, or a more oily glide. So quietly did he enter that the elderly man sitting at the desk failed to hear him, and it was just the suggestion of a cough that caused him to turn around after a five-minutes wa “T hef come,” he “T see thou hast, friend,” replied the mer- chant. “ What can I do for thee ?” “T brought der goods dat you sent for, unt dey’s daisy ones, I sell t'ree sets —red, vite ant plue—fer twelluf tollars cash—sheap as der dirdt in der shdreet, aind it?” “ Who dost thou take me for, friend,” wasthe old man’s question. “I have ordered no goods.” “Py chim! aind you Misder Ogildree—Mis- der Thomas Ogildree ?” was the return query. No; thou hast made a grave mistake. Quackenbush.” “ Aind you der gread shdory-teller ?” “T never told a story in my life. 1 am a Quaker.” “Vell, vell, vel!” and the caller backed toward the door; “1 vos in der peesnis for dwenty year unt dot’s der firsd time dot I effer god caught dryin’ ter sell poker-chibs to von ohf der saints.” And he oozed out into the hall and down the stairs. HUM OF THE COURT. DAX LAMONT'S BOY is a girl, but that’s no trouble. It will be about a hundred years before the Democratic robins nest again, THERE ARE INDICATIONS that President Harrison favors the civil-service law. Bah! Is he laboring for one term; as President Cleveland labored for it? A CAPITAL IDEA of the Graphic is that Mrs. Cleveland shall be elected mistress of the white-house from 1897 for any long period, We know of but one that is as good, and that is the idea that the editor of the JUDGE shall be the president. PEAKING of a disagreeable day, the Herald says, “It was one of those days which you like best when you can speak of it as yester- day or the day before.” Charles Lamb was addicted to that sort of thing. but not every day. My name is Ephraim IT HAD TO CROP OUT. Mas. NEWTINNE (af the fair of the Nob Hill Ladies’ Progressive Society)— + I'm so much obliged to you, Mr. Winchendon. to perform, you know, even (Forgetting herself.) Cara-a-sh ‘These social duties are so hard ith the assistance of our best blooded people. comicbooks.com