Judge, 1888-12-01 · page 7 of 16
Judge — December 1, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief comic sketches typical of Judge magazine's late 19th-century humor. The title piece is a sentimental poem about a young man who rashly shaves off his four-year-old blonde mustache, only to distress his sweetheart, who finds his bare face shocking to her "nervous system." He vows never to shave again. The satire targets Victorian sentimentality and courtship rituals—the overwrought emotional response to grooming choices. Below are shorter jokes on domestic life: a Bohemian's "politeness" toward ladies (he has no watch), a boy's sass about his mother cutting his hair badly, a tramp's enthusiasm for Thanksgiving meals and election-day charity, and workplace encounters. The "Overbalanced" cartoon depicts workers on a construction crane, likely illustrating workplace accident humor. These sketches mock bourgeois propriety, domestic nagging, and social pretension with gentle, family-friendly comedy typical of Judge's satirical approach.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
VHOSE LITTLE BLONDE MOUSTACHES. OND lovers heed this simple lay, A brother lover's sonnet, He's one who's had the deuce to pay, He gives his word upon it One morning, in a moment rash, “Twas folly most amazing ! Hg shaved away his blonde moustache He'd been four long years raising. 0, hang it, now! It nothing boots To ask what made him do it; Suffice it that til! Gabriel toots ‘That tinal trump he'll rue it. “Tis four years old, iny love, quite four ‘That's not so very receat;” “T know,” she said, “and in four more Tt might have been quite decent.” He found his sweetheart all alone, A fairer brush ne'er painted. She gave a glance, a stare, a groan, And then, O dear! she fainted Her rosy lips and curly head He lifted up and kissed "em; ~ Your bare face sends.a shock,” she sd, ™ Right through my nervous system. * Sweetheart!” he cried," look up, tis 1!" Her coral lips half parted, And through them came the mournful cry, “The moustache had but started.”” He vowed a vow—" Until the grave Has closed upon my ashes, I never, nevermore will shave My little blonde moustaches !” TOO MODEST TO BRAG. Two Bohemians are discussing the rules of etiquette “As for myself,” remarked one of them, “I never think of looking at the time when I am with a lady.” “Why, you're politeness itself.” “Oh, no, it isn’t that; the trouble is—I've no watch.” THE RETALIATION. ACT. Fond mamsa— My son, your hair wants cutting the worst way.” Son (whose dignity is greatly injured because she won't let him go to the barber's, like pa)—" Think ‘twas cut the worst way last time.” A FESTIVE DAY. I stippose you always get plenty to eat around Thanksgiving?” said the minister. “ You bet I do,” replied the tramp. “And you are thankful to the Almighty for his goodness to you?” “ Naw; Thanksgivin’s can’t hold a candle to election day. to beg things now, then the politicians just chucked it at you. You have If you can’t afford a turkey get a piece of roast pork. ‘The people next door can’t tell the difference by the smell in cooking. ‘ y > — i HE WAS SUBSEQUENTLY SPANKED. LittLe Rocer—" Is chewing-gum ingerous, mamma?" ry, my son: Littie Rocer—" I should think grandma would ’r died long ago, then.” IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. “ That jest of yours,” said the editor deliberately, as he scanned the contribution, “ might have been written by Shakespeare.” “You flatter me,” exclaimed the trembling aspirant, flushing to the roots of his shirt-collar. “Not at all. It is as old as the Seven Ages of Man.” MADE HIS BRAIN WHIRL. Wiggins—* You are looking quite pale, Algy; don’t you feel well?” Naw; I had to leave me dinnaw just now. Left-hande: man sat opposite me, ye know, and baw Jove! I believe the monstaw's motions have half mesmerized me.” OVERBALANCED. “Are yex ready down there? Hold on tight an’ let us down y. Boys BELOw—"* We are ready. Let her go, Gallagher !"