Judge — December 1, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN UNFORTUNATE LAPSE. M8 KIDPINGTON BRENTLY of Newark took a trip to Philadelphia t week to attend a reception given by one of the oldest and most_ mossy families in that camp of the patriarchs, His invitation had come through the intervention of an old college friend, who had assured the hostess, and particularly the daughter of the hostess, that Mr. Brently's pronunciation of the word “ Schuylkill” was absolutely perfect, and that he always shut his eyes and held his handkerchief to his fose while passing through Camden, and in other sure ways demonstrated his fitness to enter the inner circles of Quakerdom. He arrived in town on time, paid his little six-cent car-fare without audible pro- fanity, and at seven o'clock, the Philadelphia hour for beginning festivities, he cake-walked down the long, sombre drawing-room, and was introduced to the Biddletons—father, mother and—daughter. ‘To the latter, a tall, stately, Chestnut (street) haired girl. he murmured a few words indicative of the pleasure which it gave him to fall in with the gang, ete. and was getting along swim- gly when Miss Biddleton asked him if he was interested in athletics. “They're my hobby,” he exclaimed,“ Why, only last night at home, I saw the prettiest little scrap between”—but just here he stumbled backward, completely staggered by the glance of scorn she gave him, and as she moved away with a scrunching movement of her heels on the waxed floor he heard her mutter, “Did anybody ever see such an unmitigated churl? He actually had the audacity to abbreviate *scrapple’ in the house of one of Philadelphia's exclusive and most re- spected citizens.” THANKSGIVINGS. It is the fat gobbler that struts his brief hour. ‘The tailor, as usual, will stick to his goose. It is better for the turkey to get lost than stolen in these days. ‘The Republican party will be thankful, although it only got back what it should never have lost. The difference between the dude and the turkey is, that one is dressed to kill and the other killed to dress. ‘There is a connecting link between the negro race and the feathered tribe that only Thanksgiving can bring out plainly. There are no flies on the free-lunch fiend who pays five cents for a beer and help himself to a quarter's worth of turkey. HOME AGAIN. Mas. Tozter (after the first greet attend to the luggage and we'll go right hom Miss TozieR (tohispering)—"' S-sh, mamma! It isn'ta man, It's Lord Sleek- thorne, He's been so attenti * A DIFFICULT PRESCRIPTION. ‘A young man from the country had applied to his physician for advice. After prescribing the regimen he wished his patient to follow he added : “And, remember, only one cigar after each meal.” ome weeks later the young man returned. Well, my youthful friend,” inquired E: served my rule ™ Pretty faitnfully, doctor. bothered me some, ius, “how have you ob- Only that one cigar after meal business. has You should understand that | had—never smoked. SUBTERFUGE AT THE CAKE-WALK. MASTER OF CEREMONIES: Miss Chessy Lakah. She jes’ glides ‘long laik a swarn !" “Hit gibs meh gre't pleasuah fer ter ‘ward der cake t Miss Lagat (in the dressing room after the walk) —"" My gran‘pop wuz a body-sarbent ob Bendic’ Arnot’ !” Da’s who my gran‘pop wuz. comicbooks.com