Judge — November 17, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

87 BETTER AT PREACHING. “1 think you would get along better if you didn’t whip your children so much,” remarked Mrs. Whalem, “There is nothing like kindness after all.’ “Perhaps you are right, my dear,” replied her neighbor of the next floor.“ By the way, what an awful noise that man made who was putting down your carpet this morning.” “We didn’t have any man,” she returned. You must have just heard me spank the baby.” APPROPRIATE. Miss Ethel— Why, you are only in half-mourn- ing! Didn't your brother die last week Miss Clara—"Ves; but you know he was only my half brother.” HE HAS been king of many a mighty land. Has wielded sceptre, worn a golden crown; Proud citizens have knelt to kiss his hand, ‘The mightiest then has trembled at his frown, Ile has known downfall—low, abject defeat— Tas cringed before the men he erstwhile led, Has starved and shivered, dragging weary feet “Throughout a province where his rule was dead, He's been a tender father, loving son— Anon he's cursed his mother, killed his child; ‘Thro’ divers ways his varying course is run— Frantic, derisive, princely, gentle, wild. Sometimes a thief, he still of honor brags ; This friend to-day to-morrow is his foe; Who is he—now in purple, now in rags? ‘The leading man of a snide traveling show. KITTY JORDAN. A CUNNING ENTREPRENEUR. An ingenious manager of a theatre has solved the problem how to induce his fair patrons to remove their hats during the performance. He has posted up the following notice : re notified that, although the strict rule of this them to leave their hats in the cloak-room, those who have arrived ata certain age will hereafter be excused from its observanes LOOKING OUT FOR BUSINESS. ‘adr customer—" | was thoroughly delighted with that s Mo Weeson’s Bill,” that I bought here last week.’ r m; can I do you up another AT THE MONKEY CIRCUS. PROPRIETOR (to Gumivy, sho has been talking very loudly}—" Perhaps the gentleman in the front row would like to come up on the stage and sit with the others ?” HE WAS GETTING HIS PAY. City cousin—"And how did you leave all the folks at the farm, Uncle John? Do you know we had such a delightful time at your house last summer! I'm sure we put you to a great deal of trouble; and I was saying to papa this morning that I didn’t know how we could ever repay you for your g1 kindness. By the way, how much are those eggs that you brought in to us?” Country cousin—“ Eight dollars—two dozen at four dollars a dozen.” A FATAL OMISSION. Roston mother (sexerely)— | am astonished at you, my daughter. 1 supposed you had more modesty than to go out into the street in that condi Daughter (wurning pale)—* What is it, mamma? Can it be that rgotten my chatelaine, or put on hose that don’t match my ‘ou have done none of those things ; but you have forgotten your spectacles.” AN PENSIVE LUXURY. Jones was present one day when his son was receiving a lesson in natural history from his tutor. he spider has eight eyes,” said the pedagogue. “Good heavens!" exclaimed Jones, interrupting ; “how much it must cost them in eyeglasses when they happen to be near-sighte THOUGHT THEY CAME TOGETHER. pIvGvGED! Voung wife—" Haven't | heard you say, James, that you are fond of ham ? ‘ CorDweLt—" There goes young Montgomery, He's one of the most level- Voung husband—* Yes: ham and eggs.” ded fellows in the ek. . . GORE Hamed if he looks it, does he?" Young wife—* Well, if you will stop at the market and order Cortpwet1—" Just wait till he bows to that lady.” about two pounds of ham and eggs we'll have it for dinner.” comicbooks.com