Judge — October 6, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A SHOCKING SUGGESTION. Watches are so much in vogue now-a- days, and are found in such queer places, such as card-cases, door-handles, bracelets, and_umbrella-sticks, that B., who always takes his dinner at a restaurant, says he is afraid he'll find a small one some day in his soup instead of an onion, OVER THEIR PUNCH. Robley—* \t's sad, John, that after all the work of the heroes of ‘76 should have been in vain !" Wigyins—" How's that? ‘The country seems to be very comfortable just now.” Bobley—" No. no, my boy ; we still groan under the British joke.” A BIBLICAL SUBJECT. “John,” said Mrs. Hawkins, as they were going home from church, “ why did the minister call the dove that brought back a green twig to the ark ‘he “I don't know,” replied John; “unless it was that if the dove had been a female she couldn't have kept her mouth closed long enough to get the bough to the ark ;” and there was ill-feeling in that household all the rest of the day A HEART-BREAKING LOSS. Bobley—* Wonder what makes young Perkins look so cast down. One would fancy he had lost his best friend.” So he has. His sweetheart has jilted him.” Bobley—" Well, it’s really a blessing in disguise. He has escaped a mother-in-law, anyway.” Wiggins—* Ob, you don’t understand ; the girl was an orphan !" DEBTOR AND ‘CREDITOR. Bobley (as bis friend rushes past)—" Good gwacious, Tom! your hurry Wiggins—* Don't stop me, please. a bill, Bobley (stupefied)—" Running to settle a bill? Impossible!” Wiggins—* Yaas, dear boy; | owe Charley Grafton five dollars and he owes me ten, y know. 1 want to settle!” What's I'm going down town to settle AFTER THE WEDDING. Ove oF THE Mrs. Kotts: Dey vos alvays gonsiderate obf each odder, you knows.” sHERS—"* Vere ish your huspant, Meeses Kohn?” Te vos in der library shakin’ dices mit popper fer der weddin’ oxbenses. All gay in tennis tire, a maid, With supple form and hair in braid, Put me in perturbation, T thought her artless, from her guise, Rut found her, much to my surprise, Most apt in disputation, She sang divinely, painted weil, Could name the stars, and, strange to tell, Was quite a politician Of art and science, cause and phase, Sports and religion, books and plays, She knew by precognition. Her beauty, added to her wit, Made me think matrimony fit, ‘And 1 was Gin to risk it. Until her mother one day said, This maiden could not make a bed, Or fabricate a biscuit J. A. WALDRON, NO DOUBT OF IT. Is that a man or a woman out there in the water?” asked Merritt A inan, of course,” replied Cobwigger. “How do you know ? “Why, don’t you see the head is bald PRESENCE OF MIND. Jones had been spending the evening with a friend at the house 91 one of the latter’s lady acquaintances. “ What did you think of our hostess?” asked his friend as they were coming away. “Thad never seen her before,” replied Jones, who never allowed him- self to be taken at a disadvantage; “ but she must have changed greatly.” INCONVENIENT ABSENCE OF MIND. A certain great artiste is very absent-minded, Calling the other day on a widow who had just lost her husband, she said : * Alas, madame, you have lost your helpmate ; how I pity d then falling into a brown study about heaven knows what, and entirely forgetting the subject of convers tion, she added, a few moments after “ Madame, was that your only one SLIGHTLY COLORED. “ T heard such a funny story About you: some one said That you went one night on a painting trip Till you'd tinted the whole town red What did they mean? Do tell me, For such curious tales | hear.” Then the Harvard youth explained it all “ Why, crimson’s our color, dear. BAD LOGIC FOR A LAWYER. Briefless (entering the office of a fellow-disciple of Coke and Blackstone)— How goes it with you, Quibble? It's as dull as ditch-water with me; I'm not making a cent!” Quibble— Same here. Nary client.” Briefless— Suppose we go into partnership ? might make a more respectable appearance as a firm.” Quibble (forgetting above mutual admissions)—“ H'm! I don’t know about that. You see that scheme would divide profits and double expenses.” We comicbooks.com