Judge — September 8, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE HE HAD HIS REVENGE. > PON Mr. Bergh’s arrival in Paradise he pro- ceeded to start aS. C. A.C. T. E. (society for the canonization of animals cruelly t-eated on earth), The first applicant for saintship was a large, sleek, fat, white horse, and the worthy Mr. IB. gazed at him in astonishment, saying, “Surely, you were never illy treated to be in this admirable condition.” “Oh!” said the horse, with a weary sigh, * I lived for ten long, monotonous years in a neighborhood of red-headed fit place waiting for you,” replied the pres. of the S.C ; and he was conducted to the supreme bench, and made judge for eternity over the ultimate fate of editors. OUT OF WORK. “Well, ma‘am, it’s pretty hard to be obliged to wear a pair of shoes , all out at the toes and very little sole left,” exclaimed a seedy dual. “You talk as though you had seen better days,” said the woman addressed “Well, | have, ma‘’am; but since the shoe factory shut down I've been out of work.” * Poor fellow! fix your shoes ? “T never had any, ma’am, makers. Didn't you save any of your tools so that you can I used to rush the growler for the shoe- LOST TO SIGHT. ‘A moan went up from the great gray sea That saddened me to the heart Oh, tell the tale of your woe to me And Vil try to bear a part.” “Oh! sobbed the sea with a shivering form, * Tam growing blind, 1 fear: For on the beach ‘mid a perfect storm Of shrieks and cries, I hear “A maiden, while bathing in joyous glee, Was of her suit bereft By a frolicsome wave ; and 1 cannot see A trace of it right or left." ARISTINE ANDERSON, NOT SAINT-LIKE Two friends meet after a long separa “How is this, Brown ? as a badger, and now you're as bla “Well, my dear fellow, explain, You see, my hair was rapidly turning white, and feeling that, from a moral point of view, I was not quite up to car- rying around ‘a crown of glory’—I dyed.” FAMILY PRIDE. Effie Van Kens. sclacr(pityingly to Miss Smith)—" Is this the first time you've been We al- ways come here. Wh we've been here twelve OUGH. The last time | saw you you were as gray to Newport ? years.” Miss Smith * How old are you Effie LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. Jag ley—" Does she remind you of any- thing biblical ?” Wagley—"Yes, indeed: consider the lily and the rose; for even the town in all its vermilion was not painted like unto these ~—cheeks.” Seven. Mr. Branrr—"'B' gosh, I've been a trampin’ “round this town ‘till I'm purty nigh petered out !” NOT A HAVEN OF REST. SOUR MASH WHS es SO UNLIKE THE “GOOD OLD” ANDY JACKSON DAYS. Mr. Geaxcer—'I tell ye this is a great age fer ornamentality. gittin’ so thet they don’t even make whisky glasses to fit a marn’s face. ‘They're THE SAME OLD TROUBLE. Bell-boy (to clerk) —" There's something wrong up in 14; every one is complaining of the smell !" Clerk—"James, go up and show Mr.Green how to blow out the gas.” COMPETITION. Soaker (laying down his glass)—" Whew of beer you give for five cents, Karl." Karl—" Yaw; dot feller Blutwurst agross de vay seds oop glasses a food high; but I vill beat him in size if 1 haf to make dose bottoms four inches thigek !” That's a terrible schooner Looking into the nature of kisses, This strange contradiction is shown, That the more in the dark with these blisses The more light on the subject is thrown, SAFE DEPOSIT. Bank president (to prospective depositor)—* Our system, sir, I flatter myself is absolutely perfect. You literally have only to drop your money at the window and go home without worrying. Prospective Depositor—"But how do you guard against possibie defalcation 2” President — “ Sir, the cashier is confined in a boiler-iron cage with only one door. This opens on our pa- tent dynamite scale, which is adjusted ex- actly to his weight, and if he were to attempt to skip with the light- est sort of a satchel he would only bring a bomb down on his head!" A SOP TO SOM- NUS. If the man who snores is not rapped in slumber, his sleep- less companion will be glad to make time so. The unlucky man won't better himself by changing his occu- pation, ADVERTISEMENT PERAMBULATOR — "Say, country, if you had any breakfast you'd better fean on’ that" comicbooks.com