Judge — August 11, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A LEGAL THRUST. y young friend, Necessity, who repre sents the other side,” began the grizzled leg luminary, when the young practitioner inter- rupted him. “Your honor, I desire to ask why my learn- ed friend alludes to me as * Necessit “ Your honor, cessity knows no law, as you and I well knot CORKED. A foreigner man—Emanuel Stork Arrived one day at the port But he coulda’t get in, "Cause he hadn't the tin For the tax on his leg, which was cork. w Vork; A FRIEND OF THE FRIENDLESS. Hawkins—* You're a pretty fellow to claim to be a friend of the prohibitionists! Why, the beer isn't dry on your moustache !" Jawkins—* What of that? Shouldn't every good Democrat favor everything that cuts down the Republ “Young man, kin yeou tell me where them air free baths ‘s ? THE MISTRESS OF THE HOUSE. Mistress (who upon entering the kitchen finds Miss some fine cut flowers) Why, Bridg: didn't you bring them to me directly Miss Erin—" Yours, mum? How wuz Oi to know? said they wuz fur the misthress of the house.” BEHIND THE SCENES IN NEW YORK. Unele Hiraw (to his nephew, the manager, behind the scenes, as the curtain goes down on the last scene of * Hamlet")—" An’ when did you say this feller Shakespeare died, Charlie?" Charlie—* Nearly three hundred yearsago, sir.” Unete Hiram—* Hum! They must ha’ had mighty poor police regulations in his day, boy. Why, if my-friend, the poet Scratchitt, of Pike county, Hlanoy, hed ‘a writ that play ev'ry one o' those blamed lunatics would be in the grip of a Pinkerton detective, and nary drop of bloodshed.” in enjo ! those flowers are mine. Why The bye NEITHER HAS HE. Mother (returning home)—* Well, how have the children been be- having while I've been av Father —" Oh, they're cross and bad-tempered.”” Mother —Is that 80? Well, where did they get their bad temper, I should like to know 2” Father—* \ declare | can’t tell. lost any of hers.” - But Iam sure their mother hasn't 287 WHO ELSE COULD IT BE? So pretty, so sweet, s natty, $0 neat, Her hand like the daisies that nod at her feet : Her ankle $0 trim makes my steady head swim And I search through the vistas of memory dim With a Kitty? or Nellie? or Sally? or Flo? Or Emma? or Helen? Oh! can it be 80? My heart's in a flutter! Ah, can it be she? Who else ean it be? Her dear face is hidden, her fair form is veiled : M've tried for an hour but ail efforts have failed, ‘The shade of the lilac just touches her feet, So pretty, so sweet, so natty, so neat But the leaves like a wail hide her face from my view Isshe short? Is she tall? Cupid, what shall I do? Is it Martha? or Jenny? of Mary? of Sue? Or Helen? To dream that ‘tisshe! //"tis she Who else could it be ? She rises, she moves. Now gods, ay ‘One second shall say if my instinct be right \e yoes—out of sight! shades the dearest of maids, wing feet, Up the street, up the street, out of sight, up the street, And the lilac doth rustle and laugh in its leaves! After all, how our fancy defrauds and deceives ? For ‘twas Emily or Francis or Sarah or Jo! “Twas not Helen, I'm sure? If ‘twas Helen I'd know! Yet natty and neat, and pretty and sweet, ‘What maid on the earth is so lovely as she? So, who else could it be? CORA LINN DANIELS. A NATURAL INFERENCE. Jones was found the other day walking on the bank of one of the Orange county lakes with a pre-occupied air. He kept looking into the water from time to time as if he had lost something. “What are you doing there? about in i] “Yes; only to think, I was strolling along here with a friend just now when he suddenly disappeared. 1 am afraid he must be drowned.” “Is it long since he fell in?” Jones deliberately pulled out his watch, and after looking at it for some time replied : * Nearly two hours.” asked a neighbor: “you seem put pur mine A DISTINCTION WITH A DIFFERENCE Brown (to old Snobs) —"| see Jones is rebuilding his hou Snobs—" He ain't doin’ nothin’ o' the sort; he’s only taki mortgage and puttin’ on another.” off one “Wat's dat?” comicbooks.com