Judge, 1888-08-11 · page 5 of 16
Judge — August 11, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces typical of early 1900s American humor: **"A Modern Fad"** mocks the "New Woman"—a contemporary social type who smokes, reads literature, attends races, and affects intellectual sophistication. The poem satirizes her contradictions: she's simultaneously cultured and frivolous, independent yet marriage-focused. The punchline reveals the real "fad" is pursuing wealthy women, with the millionaire father as the actual prize. **"Reflections of a Summer Boarder"** offers dry observations about rural vacation accommodations—a popular American leisure trend. These aphorisms mock boardinghouse proprietors' deceptions (calling wells "mineral springs"), guests' pretensions, and the predictable romantic entanglements that occur. **"A Slack-Rope Catastrophe"** depicts a sideshow accident, with a professor's tightrope stunt literally backfiring. The humor relies on physical comedy and dialect humor typical of the era. All three pieces target emerging middle-class leisure culture, changing gender roles, and rural/urban contrasts—central concerns of early Gilded Age America.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE A MODERN FAD. N her sleeve her heart she wears, So they say. At her pug she sometimes swears, So they say. Bets on yachts and goes to races : Isa connoisseur in laces, Has the power of reading faces Right away, She will smoke a cigarette, So they say. Tosses off a novelette Ina day. Talks of music, prose and verses, Tolstol too she intersperses : Ang her smile, like Madame Circe’s, Makes you stay. Cupid boy! You know the art, So they say. Tell me how to win her heart. Speak, 1 pray! Tho’ she be false as well as fair: AS fickle too as debonnaire ; Her papa is a millionaire, So they say. SG. TENNEY REF TIONS OF A SUMMER BOARDER. Where there are no mosquitos there are apt to be bed-bug ‘The prettiest boarder is always mashed before you get the ‘The boat always capsizes when you have your best clothes on. A smile from the landlady’s daughter has protracted many a vacation. The religious girl doesn’t miss going to church as much as she had thought. Never lend to the young widow whose funds did not arrive when expected. ‘The old maid may be near-sighted, but she doesn’t miss much that is going on. ‘The mother always likes to go to the place where you have her daughter. ‘The landlord who can interest his boarders in farming soon has his crops gathered. The landlord who doesn’t call his well a mineral spring must’ get milk very cheap. It is generally a long ride to the house that is only a few minutes from the station. The landlord’s pretty daughter will nibble at any bait, but she is very hard to catch. The house where no children are taken is generally already filled with the landlord's asked It is always the cat belonging to the next house that catches the boarder’s canary bird, 285 ‘The man who telegraphs home for more money is probably spend- ing it on someone else. ‘The timid boarder who never gets enough to eat is apt to attribute it to an increased appetite. Unless you want to make an enemy never ask a boarder if he has summered at the place before. The homely girl can never get enough swinging or boating, but she never likes to carry the basket. s are always a long way off when you go out with the daughter to bring them home. The pretty boarder never uses a chair to get into the hammock unless her pretty stockings are in the wash, You may think yourself very shrewd t6 discover that the fresh milk «ee aye und THE ONLY REAL LONG HAIR SHE WAS ACQUAINTED WITH, nswer up loud, Hessie. How was Absalom killed 7” Please maa’m, he caught his switch in some branches.” Tracur Bessie: and vegetables are purchased in the city, but the knowledge won't make you any the happier. The man who goes toa place where good fishing is announced is apt to lose faith in human nature when he finds that none of th boys ever try to catch any. A SLACK-ROPE CATASTROPHE. Prorrssor WALKER—" It's the easiest thing in ld a Coney island crowd. Plunk up the hand, boys Terk Srieceves glumsier unt glumsier effery tays CHAIRMAN OF THE CRE Vy gollish! 1 - stretcher, fellers. He's cor geds —" Hurry up that down!" comicbooks.com