Judge, 1888-08-04 · page 3 of 16
Judge — August 4, 1888 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page 267: Satirical Sketches This page contains several brief humorous sketches typical of Judge magazine's social satire: **"A Contemplated Mark"** mocks upper-class marriage customs, suggesting a young woman aims to "shoot for the gold" (marry wealthy) rather than pursue actual marksmanship. **"The Hardships of Yachting"** ridicules an affected gentleman whose affected speech ("fawncy," "dweadful") reveals he's unprepared for sailing—a leisure activity meant to display sophistication. **"A Non Sequitur"** presents absurd child logic about relative heights. **"The Mountain and the Mouse"** uses dialect verse to satirize Democratic politicians who campaign against Republican tariffs and spending, promising massive savings from eliminating a minor tax (liquorice). **"Old Chocolate's Target Practice"** features racist dialect humor offering folksy "wisdom"—common in period publications. **"The Wind Was That Way"** depicts a farmer's political demonstration literally backfiring when weather interferes. The overall tone reflects Gilded Age satire targeting political hypocrisy, class pretension, and social absurdity.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE A CONTEMPLATED MARK. INSTANCE (fo Ba Why, Constance? ‘Is your sister such a capital shot ? who is a very desirable catch)—"* Ketter shoot carefully to-day, Mr. Bagby.” STANCE—" Ob, I don't know about that ; but she said to papa and mamma last night that she had a good beau, and intended to shoot for the gold in earnest.”* THE HARDSHIPS OF YACHTING. She (as the yacht bends to the breeze)—“'Isn’t this glorious, Mr. Featherhead >" He—Aw—I fawncy I'd enjoy it better if I'd only bwought an um- bwella to keep off this dweadful spway. This is my first expewience, ye know; I'll be wiser next time.” A NON SEQUITUR. Two street boys were bragging as to their height. “Oh, when I get to be a “| shall be just as tall as you “1 don't know about th: tall, even when I was little. old as you,” said the younger of the two, replied the other, “for I was al THE MOUNTAIN AN’ THE MOUSE. Too long,” the Democrats, sez they, Hez monstrous taxes weighed upon us; The yearly millions thet we pay Old Sam hev purty nigh ondone us. The tariff hez so monstrous grown Thet all the tortured country hollers : The tax on lickrish juice alone S two hundred eighty-seven dollars ! " Extravagant Repablicans Hev laid this tax with which we quarrel ; It’s left for Democratic hands To come an’ p'int the solemn moral. Jest wait till Democratic thrift, Whose grandeur all our ballots collars, Can off this groanin’ country lift Two hundred eighty-seven dollars ! ONE SUMMER DAY. “Ob, what shall the harvest” x the good little boy on his way » Sunday school. But the fortissimo “ be-ee,” and SHE WILL, UNDOUBTEDLY. The neighbors were all having a siege with the bug that corrodeth, and Mrs. Workleigh resolved to take the creature by the forelock. Mrs, W.—" Well, John, I've been all over the house in search of carpet-bugs, but.can't find a single one. Mr. W. (whose hearing is a trifle imperfect) —* Never mind, my dear. Don’t fret. Perhaps you'll find ‘em some time when, you ain't looking.” 4 OLD CHOCOLATE’S TARGET PRACTICE. Hit am bettah toe be out ob debt dan in de fashion. De man w'at'll lie abo't a chicken ull lie widout one. De pusson dat a’n't nebbah been foolish abo't suffin’ er got a deal ob ‘sperunce toe wade in. De bes’ frien’ gits tiah'd ob lendin’, W'en de pickaninny hides dar er been mischuf. Good nacha am mo'en a big plattah at dinnah. De blin’ hoss dat er mettlesome ggits many a bump. W'en a ‘scuse a‘n’t cousin toe a lie hit’s de fadder ob one. Offen w'en yo" jump obah de fence yo" jump intoe de law. De fiddlah sometimes wants toe darnse w'en oddahs ud be quiet. Some men am laik a jug. Dey guggles de mos’ w'en dar a’n't much intoe um. De man dat can’t talk ob an- oddah ving wobbles ‘is chin abo’t de weddah. De kingfishah doan’ yell * I’se aftah He jis’ ducks an’ comes up wid er fish. © suddenness with which he rked off his cap and rubbed his vad, suggested a lack of apprecia- n of the proper musical grada- n of tones, THE WIND WAS THAT WAY. Farmer Wheattop undertook to show his political preference on the evening of the ratification meeting, but the next morning demonstrated that a rocket can't he steered. Efone ving won't ansah, anod- dah will. De rabbit jumps so fas’ he doan’ hab toc run. j, 4. watonos. comicbooks.com