Judge — August 4, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

274 JUDGE HIS CRITICISM OF A SPECIAL LITERATURE. R. SLEWEDBACK came home from the village post-office last Mon- day evening with a copy of a famous fashion weekly which had been put in his box as a mple. After supper he ‘ed his pipe, strolled down to the old stone-wall, and finding a corner that pre- vented the sunset glow from coloring his nose by reflect- ing from his glass-eye, he unfolded his easily-acquired library and begaitzo struggle with its contents. ! Just two hours later Mrs. Slewedback saw him coming back in the gloaming with a pained ex- pression 07 his face and the spasmodic hitch at his over- alls that portended a mind ill at ease. “What's th’ news in th’ Pertective Dimocrat, Hiram?” she asked him. she leaned out of the window. Hanner,” he replied, as he blew out a cloud of smoke which caused three young robins to fall out of their nest in the horse-chestnut tree above; “this ain't no Pertective Dimocrat, It’s a story-paper with pictur’s into it, an’ of all th’ dog-robbinest fakes you ever see it’s th’ wust. Jest look ‘r that! See all them gals, purty ez sidehill squashes, an’ all harnessed out in silks an’ satins an’ vilvits, an’ a standin’ ‘round a waitin’ fer some feller t’ come ‘n’ ax 'm ter take a dip of ice-cream, an’ then when yer turn t’ th’ inside of th’ paper t’ find out whether he come, an’ what they said, an’ who married that leetle rosy-cheek'd gal in the corner—th’-one with them plumes onter her hat—what d'yer find? Listen, wife: Nawthin’ ‘cept ‘they is agoin’ ter be more parchmentary fringe wore this year than last, see fig. one; an’ ‘bonnits comes higher than they did,’ an’ *a correc’ taste tattooes—no, tabooes histin’ th’ dress with th’ heels.when yer walk, see plate—' — Darn it, Hanner! 1 bet th’ feller thet runs that paper got his editer off on a surgin’ drunk an’ then let him ‘scape inter some dress-maker's shop ter cool off. “Whar's my gum-shoes? I’m agoin’ doown ter Hicky’s ter read th’ las’ number of th’ Police Record. ‘They tell about their pictur’s in that.” —— 80 QUITE CUTTING. “It is a strange thing,” remarked Verishort to a friend, “ that I sit at the same table with Brown in Dimely’s restaurant, where we both dine every day, and Brown will not even fecognize m “Oh, you know that restaurant is noted for its cold cuts.’ FAST TIME. They were talking about fast time on the railroad between Buffalo and Syracuse “How quickly have you made it?” one of the party, an actor, was asked, “ Three days,” he replied, THE CAUSE OF IT. Jagley—" Wondah why that fellaw Wiggins has such a blawsted cold hand, Weally, it’s just like a dog's muzzle.” Boggs—" All the fault of his dwess, me boy; wears his collahs so awfully tight the blood cawn't get any lower than his chin,” FORCE OF HABIT. Chap From NeVADA—"Ah, here comes the road agent!" (His four animal that can drink a week with- friends involuntarily hold up their hands.) AN ANN STREET EPISODE. Jurcr Stanwoon (from Kearville, in the neighborhood of Ann street, New York, where dumbbells and Indian’ clubs constantly advertised by pale. face Indians)—" Be gosh! 1 guess my so clus onter me afore. Help! Help!! T never had ther Injuns HE KNEW THE BEST PLACE. Minister (to Bertie)—" | hope, Bertie, you don’t go to the lake fish- ing with your father on Sunday. >, sir. I'm glad to hear you say that, my boy.” >, the best fishing is down‘at Burke's creck. ‘That's where I go. HE KNEW HIS BUSINESS. Mrs, Lofty—" The organist at our church is the most. stupid fellow in the world, and is always playing the most inappropriate selections. Why, at’ Carrie Curfew’s wedding he played, ‘Trust her not, she’s fool- ing thee.’ The very ide Mrs. Posted— Stupid? In- deed he is not, He was once en- gaged to Carrie himself and she jilted him, He knew what he was about when he selected that tune. HIS FIRST VENTURE. Friend (to young photographer) Well, how are you getti Taken any negatives y Photographer —"Yes; one. 1 proposed to Amelia last night and she refused me.” JUST THE DIFFERENCE. Gubbins, in one of the rare mo- ments he devotes to the cultivation of his intellect, was reading aloud from a work on natural history. “The camel is an animal that can work a week without drinking.” “And 1," remarked Gubbins, commenting on the text, “1 am an out working.” comicbooks.com s