Judge — July 14, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE STAY-AT-HOME. HE PEOPLE is fii heat, An’ the heat don’t come from the heavens so much a up from the street : The spiled green stuff is a-smellin’, the flies is stickin’ tight, - An’ the boardin’-bouse pianny is goin’ from daw’ tell night. ‘A poor old hunks like 1 am, don't matter much where / stay, Fer it’sonly me—but Mirandy, she wants to be goin’ away. jn’ an’ flittin’ away from the city The sweat is a-runnin’ down me an’ drippin’ into my boots. An’ drinkin’ an* thet suits. I set in my shirtsleeves fannin’ fer a breeze thet doesn't come, An’ I think of the cool shade lyin’ under the trees to hum, Nobody keers about me, whether I go or stay, But Mirandy says thet it’s dreadful, she must be goin’ away. inkin’ icewater is the only thi So I'll walk the burnin’ pavements an’ she in the thick, cool grass ; T'll see the trucks go by me an” she'll see the hayloads pass ; Vil hear the milkman callin’ an’ she'll hear the oriotes sing, An’ she'll write me glowin’ descriptions an’ tell me of everything Ob, ef 1 could walk this summer in the lanes where I used to play! Rut it won't be me, but Mirandy, thet's HOW SHAKESPEARE MIGHT HAVE SAVED MUCH SLAUGHTER. Hamlet (drawing his sword) —* How now—a rat!” Polontus (emerging from the shadow of the curtain with an armful of sausages and a characteristic witticism)—* No, mine frient; only Bolontas THE LATEST “NICKEL” MACHINE. Papa—* Now run away, Bobby. Papa's busy. Bobby (holding up his joined hands, cup-wise)—" Drop a nickel in the hole, papa, and you'll see me go.” THE FITNESS OF THINGS. iggins (at the parade)—“ Just look at the white-headed old veteran yonder! Wiggins On a red horse, too! How appropriat 219 OLD CHOCOLATE’S TARGET PRACTICE. De tree dat doan’ gib yo" fruit gibs yo’ shade. De lawyah sellum goes toe law on ‘is own hook. Ef beatin’ ud do enny good de jackass ud refawm. Hit ah toe late toe measha yo" cloth aftah yo’ dun cut hit. ” kin by hahd wuck. Ef promises wah debts dar ud be few men dat ud ‘s Yo’ kin offen gain mo’ by hol'in’ yo" tongue ‘en y cape bankruptcy. Hit am a foolish mouse dat ud ahgue wid a cat w'en hit kin reach a hole fust. Yo' ull fin’ good men in de wus’ comp’ny, jis’ ez yo" ull fin’ posies ‘mong de wus’ weeds. Hit a’n’t so much wat goes intoe de front do’ dat makes a man po’ ez w'at slips fru de back gate. Ef a long beard an’ a sollum look stan’ fo" wisdom yo" might ce weil ‘spec’ a goat toe tell yo’ fawchune, Dar er a few tings yo’ kin do bes’ in a hurry, an’ one ob um am gittin’ outen anoddah’s mellen patch, De man dat sows shif'lessness in de spring an’ cult'vates laziness in de summah mus’ hahves’ hungah in de fall an’ wintah, Some men doan’ know w'at toe do wid success w'en hit comes toe um enny mo’ ‘en a hod-carriah ud know ata rafile, toe do wid an elefunt won Jo As WALDEON. DAY. He sat him on a glowing point of * punk” Whose incandescent end with mordant tooth From his new trousers ate an ample huni. In the equatorial zone. Ah, hapless youth ! ‘Thy coat was but a sack, a niggard suck ; And through the gap the golden sunlight smote Thine epidermis. Who but had felt ruth ‘To watch thee, whilst with careless grace forsooth Thou held’st the morning paper at thy back ‘Slow sauntering homeward for thy candate coat? —-MARCELLUS. For lines of fillin} Editor — THE JOURNALISTIC MUSE’S PAD. X ‘The report of that assault-and-battery case lacks seven out the column, sir.” H'm! “ How man: or bystander’ occur ‘eman (after counting) —" “itor —* Good! times do the words ‘man,’ * woman,’ Thirty-seven times.” Just insert the words * well-dressed’ before each . THE PAPER WORKED DOWN. Kister has lost his hat overboard. Goov-naturno skirrex—" Here's one of mine, young feller. It’s bit large, but I've stuffed some paper in the band, and I guess it'll carry you through.” Miss Banxtow (the deacon's daughter—as they go ashore)—" What a generous, kind- hearted man that captain was! So thoroughly courteous and refined.” comicbooks.com