Judge — July 14, 1888 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. Awxent Beaxnand GiLtast 1M. Guecory President ~ Art Department Editor TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE, One Vg One ‘One ec ne year, or s2 numbers, ‘months, of 26 numbers, for 13 weeks, oils ‘Single copies, to cents €ach FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS ~To all for: cign countries in the postal union, ‘$s a year THe Jupce PustisHina Company (Porrek Buitpinc), Park Row, New York. $9 We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation at cheaper rates than any other American satirical paper published. The Jupom ts for tale at Brentano's, 17 Avenue de L’Opera, P A HARRISON-MORTON NUMBER. Number 351 of the Juoce, out July 18, will have probably the finest pictures of General Harrison and Levi P, Morton that will appear during the campaign. A very large edition of the number will be printed ; and newsmen and advertisers will consult it in advance. Orders for advertising and for their own interests by providing fc iw extra service of the circulation dipartment cannot be sent in too soon. all feel glad when Jamie comes marching home. eee THE MATTER with John Sherman? He's all right. wiat: RALLYING SONG of the Democracy—" Hail to the handkerchief.” eee MARK TWALN is so pleased with his litle sheep- skin that he is wild for the protection of Ameri- can wool. sale THE SEA-SERPENT makes an earlier and a larger appearance this year than heretofore; but we are confident the Republican party can beat it. HE GRADUATING ESSAY is this year exceed- ingly heavy and it walks on the thinnest of legs: but we guess it will get along with the aid of a couple of crutches and a smelling-bottle. TO THE VOTERS of the United States—Put a ballot in the slot of the right kind and it will spring to the surface as excellent a president as this country ever had. THE BOYS of both armies fraternized at Gettys- burg. They were even so much one and in- divisible that they were united on the policy of saying as little as possible of Grover Cleveland. THE PAPERS have already begun to make up General Harrison's ; and we observe that Mrs. Harrison is so excellent a house= keeper that she will superintend with gentle dignity and firmness those which belong to the drawing-room and the kitchen. cabine! LET NO GUN KICK! cE REPUBLICAN isa fighting party, and occasionally it has been so eager for the fray as to whip itself, In the smoke and fog of faction it has mistaken the blue for the gray,as was the case at times during the late But that is ended, The lines are formed and every Republican toes the mark and touches shoulders with every other. All the old factional issues are dead, along with the men towhom they most belonged. There is nothing to fight but Democratic error, and there is no enemy but the one beyond the lines. Let us whip the enemy and do our factional quarreling after that is done. WATCH OUT FOR BLAINE! HAT THE Republi when Mr. Blaine reache: war. y is alive will be pretty well demonstrated these shores. This country has never seen a reception as great as that which awaits him in New York; and as he carries the banner from city to city and state to state there will flock to it hundreds of thousands of the wavering and of new converts to the pro- tection principle of which he is the ablest representative. Watch out for the white plumes of James G. Blaine, and cheers for the red-white-and- blue emblem of Harrison and Morton! AN OBJECT OF PITY. My friends say that I have consumption, and advise me to partake of fresh blood Where, oh where, is there some ? THE DEMOCRATIC TARIFF TRAIN. HE renewal of the old Democratic dodge of tariff straddle is a failure Mr. Cleveland’s.attacking protection on the plea that its reduction would cheapen the clothing of the workingman is of the same kind of cant and for the same personal purpose as were his pledges of reform to catch Republican votes. His late anxious contortions for continuance in office show these were, from the Democratic standpoint, “better kept in the breach than in the observance.” The proclaimed purpose of the party is announced by its honest and outspoken leaders as intended to reach as close as possible to free trade This cannot be accomplished in a bound. Like a railroad train, it wil halt at various points, change crews perhaps, oil up, stop, and start agai: and again till it reaches its destination. To continue the simile, the presidential conductor, burly with egotism, spangled with the brass buttons of the southern livery, rings it up for a momentary pause at Civil Service station, and then, hurrying off with a laugh at the gaping passengers le(t behind, calls out, “Next stop at Hypocrite depot ; plenty of time for assess- ments.” At Garland crossing the train takes in fuel and disgrace. At Bayard Fizzle, and Chamberlain gulch the English and Canadian crowd greet the arrival and cheer the departure. Rebel FI curve is passed with anxiety ; Veto valley trestle, bending a little under the strain, is safely stiffened with fresh confederate shoring. Passengers are required to show Democratic tickets, properly purchased and indorsed, or get off. ‘The Cobdenite newsboy distributes English advice to American voters on the delights of free trade, and also peddles pictures of the beautiful parlor the British spider has fitted for the fly. Altogether it is an ideal Democratic train; half drawing-room coaches for the planters, and half emi- grant for the voters, A free-trade engine in front, and a danger flag of red bandana fastened to the rear, Oc- casional stops at flag stations, at Harper's mud swamp to take on lent from Curtis crossing, and one at George Jones's Flats, relieve the obfuscation of travel. These illustrious additions are quickly urged to the buffet car, and accorded complimentary seats with the “not-now” very hungry or very thirsty party. Passengers exchange congratulations on the wonderful speed attained, ignorant that it is a down. that gravity as well as the engine is pulling. The brief, but menacing sadness, bred of the rumor that the noble conductor, on account of “ pre- vious pledges,” would leave them on. reaching Four Year Point, was happily dispelled. official having intimated a desire to be still led into temptation and suffer a farther martyrdom of per- sonal and moral sacrifices, a convention of his train appointees and brakemen was promptly organized in the baggage-car. Laudatory resolutions were framed emphasizing that the road, rail and. ballast were nothing, the engine was nothing, the passengers were nothing, the country in fact was nothing, if he declined to guide. These expressions of confidence were presented with appro- priate obsequiousness on a red, but old, pocket-handkerchief, glorious with the association of having been unfurled where, years ago, traitorous crowds greeted it as its holder waved it in denunciation of the at- tempt to suppress treason, in vociferating that the war was wicked and « failure, resumption was a farce, and protection was a robbery. The noble conductor, bending to this pressure, and abstemiously luding to himself in response but fifty times, and incidentally to the party nd country once or twice, acknowledged and bowed to the coercive force He expressed himself as willing to suffer for fifty thousand dollars a year. and the convenience of a state-room, to take the train through valley, and over the Canadian Pacific to Eight Years’ junction—mugwump assistance, Democratic political pull, and next November permitting. He did not know, he said, until he had charge of this train, the dreadful condition of the national load. Living along side it for twenty-eight years, an idle and indifferent spectator, he had simply noted the widening and lengthening of the track, had seen its bridges burnt, tunnels blocked, and the confederate attempts to undermine it; had in fact seen its guards shot, but had no idea till now how much oil had been wasted and how heedlessly the engineer had handled the fuel. The public demanded, he said, that these factories of cotton and wool,and iron and steel that shaded the track, and whose offensive work: men scoffed at the train, should be removed. He would see to it. He rade and ‘That self-oblivious nglish comicbooks.com