Judge — July 14, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

9299 JUDGE THE METAMORPHIC QUALITIES OF THE SILK CAP. ROM a comfortable seat at the rear of the smoking-car, just far enough away to see, and not smell, that Cos-cob Regina cigar a few seats ahead, the student of comparative physiognomy awaited developments. They came in a fat and pursy, lean and sallow, long and lanky stream all the way between New York and Springfield, and the results of the observations are before us in cold black lines on white paper. At Stamford this gentleman boarded the train, Even bets were laid (in solitaire) that he was a jewelry drummer on his way to Bridgeport, but he might have been a successful clam broker, as it was in the middle of the season for these Connecticut vegetables. From the general contour of the man it was a foregone conclusion * that he would put on a silk traveling-cap, and he did—even before he got well into his seat—challenged ten different men for whist, and finally settled down to cut-throat “high-low” with two express messengers. It is very lucky that he kept the hat he took off, as his family would have never recognized him had he gone home in the head-gear of the train. At Darien came another. This one was tall and thin, and wore a plug hat. In mentioning the word “plug,” it may make things clearer to say that it should be taken in the horse-sense, as it literally was a plug. As this gentleman had no valise, it was fondly hoped that he would have to get along with one head-covering, but these hopes were dashed when he pulled a flat parcel from his pistol-pocket, blew into it, and pro: duced something that bore a strong resemblance to a sawed-off ham-bag. He got under it, and here he is—" before and after taking.” When the train drew into New Haven, and the ten-minute refresh ment season was over, a man with a valise on which “J. Himmighoffer, St. Louis,” was painted, came out of the restaurant gnawing a hen-leg, and boarding the train took two double seats. He was very kina to his feet and gave them one seat all to themselves. He did pretty well for about an hour, but it could be seen that some- thing was troubling him, and at last, asking a man who was standing to keep en eye on the sty he had appropriated, he lurched into the baggage-car. If his wife had met him when he came out she would have demanded credentials, The observations were getting extremely interesting, and as a cap per (2) the Hartford bridegroom, who left his new responsibility to come in and smoke a pipe, was a complete success, He wore a dicer—there is no other name for it—when he first ap- peared, and it looked as if he had been monkeying with a run-away pile- driver. He was the only one of the assortment whom the silk cap partially improved, but the betterment was, as it were, seared and cauterized by the fact that he evidently knew it and wanted others to. ‘The student of character had to leave the train here as he had an en- gagement to lecture at Trinity college on “What Makes the Man,” but he could not help watching that last instance of evolution until the train- window was obscured by distance. MACHINE VS. MAN. Higgins (watching his friend getting weighed at the “ drop-your- nickel” machine)—" Why, the thing don’t work! It’s a beastly swindle.” Well, it hasn’t got ahead of me, any. ‘Sh! That nickel NEEDLESS ADVICE. To the lady in the kitchen Never have a meal ready exactly on time. The mistress will expect you to do it again. If you know how to cook any troublesome dishes keep it a secret You might be told to cook them. When you are shown how to doa new thing display as much stupidity as possible. The lady will have to do it herself until you learn how. Never come as soon as you are called, Too great readiness makes people exacting. Be careful not to admit that anyone else does harder work than you. Wages might be gauged accordingly. ‘alk incessantly of the hardship and unpleasantness of being obliged to do the work you were engaged for, and of your extreme good nature in doing it. So shall you find favor in the eyes of the mistress, and the heart of the master will be glad when he pays you the miserable pittance you so AT THE BRINK OF THE GRAVE. In a cemetery. “And so you have come to your doctor's funeral! That is as it should be; grateful patients are rare” “Oh, you mustn't praise me too much, I am thankful because it was the doctor who died.” SNARLED-UP BENEVOLENCE. Bagley—" Sad thing this, throwing so many tons of vegetables into the harbor because the market's glutted! Just think of the poor” Softart (S. P. C. AjJ—" Fish, you mean? Dreadful. Tons and tons of cucumbers and not a drop of cholera mixture IN HIS OWN COIN. “Well, Janet,” asked a facetious husband, whose wife had just dis- charged the hired girl, “are you going to bravely breast the waves of the domestic sea of troubles ?” “No,” she answered demurely ; “I'm only going to stem the currants. comicbooks.com fre He Tr Mc