Judge, 1888-07-07 · page 10 of 16
Judge — July 7, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical humor pieces typical of late 19th-century American comedy: **Main cartoons depict:** 1. **"What Floored Officer Fogarty"** — Irish police officer (identifiable by dialect: "Phy doan' yez have ripe benannys") encountering street vendors selling produce and other goods. The humor appears to rest on physical comedy and lower-class urban interactions. 2. **"Somewhat Particular"** — A barber shop joke where a nearly bald customer demands a precise middle part, prompting the barber's exasperated question about what to do with his "third hair." 3. **"Not Up in the Classics"** — A dialogue mocking a fencing academy student whose son has become so skilled he frightens away all opponents, rendering classical fencing knowledge useless. **Additional content** includes period gossip-column items about local townspeople, an "Obituary" making dark jokes about remarriage, and observations on human nature (pride, vanity). The satire targets working-class Irish immigrants, vanity, and educated pretension—typical Judge magazine fare.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
It's th fine mornin’, Mrs. Riley.” SOMEWHAT PAR- TICULAR. A customer with about three hairs left out of his original stock of capillary attractions took possession of a chair in a barber's shop. “1 shall want the part ade in the middle,” he said to the attendant who waited on him, ‘The latter studied the bald cranium for some time and then asked with a puzzled expression : But, please, sir, what shall I do with the third hair?” We often jump at a’ poor bargain, By hind permission of the “Hayville Patriot and Weekly Clarion.” & Mr. and Mra: Mugford Weeks, “s Are tarrying in our town; 3} They'll not depart "til nature fale Has donned her autumn gown, They mean to carry home with them ‘A-coat of country brown. Our gallant fire-boys while at practice play ; © O'er the tall pole of liberty ave sent a spray. *Twas noble work and excellently done ; No neighboring tub can cope with “ Tor rent One.” Ay Saratoga’s peerless springs, ‘mid fash’ov's gaudy maze, ‘Our fellow-townsmen, "Rastus Wells, will pass his ho None but the wealthy there expect to make a prolonged stay. He writes us that he’s liable to come home any day. Miss Daisy Bloom, a lovely western belle, ‘At Deacon Good's will temporarily dwell. Beauty like hers is very rare, we ween, And seldom is outside our village seen “ Frailty, thy name is woman,” sang the poet, And who that’s seen the sex could fail to know it? Last night Ann Dooley, frailest of the frail, Was found intoxicate and shut in jail WHAT FLOORED OFFICER FOGARTY ; OR, THE DISCOURAGE- MENT OF GLUTTONY. “ Phy doan’ yez have ripe benannys, y° bhlack shnake?"” “Sure thim’s th’ phlasters fer th’ impty stummick.” * Ph-ph-phwhat “s this!" FEMININE LOGIC, An unwise widow had married again. “You can't imagine, my she exclaimed in a burst of confidence to a friend, “what I suffer from that brute of a husband of mine; and to think that, after all, it was all the fault of number one.” “Why, how do you make that out 2” Why, if that fool of a man hadn't died I shouldn't have had a chance to. marry number two.” deat OBITUARY. Liitle Mary she has left us, Left us here to mourn her loss On the railroad Mary's father Isa valued section boss, Some men are too proud to carry anything but a walk- ing-stick. “-T'Nl tek vanilly an top 0” this, 'r yez goes down th’ alley!" NOT UP IN THE CLASSICS. Ata fencing academy “Do you do anything with the foils? “No, but my son is exceedingly skiilful. "Indeed ? “In fact, he can't get anybody to fence with him since he came back from his regiment.” Why not?” “ Because they are all afraid of him, His fenc- ing-master tells every one that so far as swords are concerned he’sold Damo- cles over again.” The new razor doesn’t always shave clean, comicbooks.com