Judge, 1888-06-30 · page 3 of 16
Judge — June 30, 1888 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several distinct humor pieces typical of Judge magazine's satirical approach: **"Old Chocolate's Target Practice"** presents racist dialect humor featuring a Black character dispensing folk wisdom in exaggerated speech patterns—common but deeply offensive content in early 20th-century American satire. **"Diamond Cut Diamond"** satirizes social pretense: a hostess makes a perfunctory invitation she hopes will be refused; the guest gleefully accepts, exposing her insincerity. **"Scientific" and "Erratic Enunciations"** are brief wordplay jokes about kissing, unconventional definitions, and human nature. **"The Lady or the Tiger?"** plays on the famous Frank Stockton story, depicting a man choosing between courting his girlfriend or gambling with "Jim Fiveace"—likely mocking male priorities. **"He Was Not Exactly Handsome"** jokes about prudish New Yorkers reacting with shock to a sea serpent, suggesting urban sophistication masks provincial modesty. The page demonstrates Judge's mix of observational humor, social commentary, and period-specific prejudices.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ol.D CHOCOLATE PARG! PRACTICE. Dar’s no keepin’ ripe apples trees. De tish-hawk sellum plunges ish a minnow. De hen dat cackles loudes* lays de smalles’ aig De dog's offen wags wen he's fixin’ toe bite. Yo" appetite de table am po'es’. am stronges’ “Hab yo" hud de news ses way fo" many a lie. Look fo" de possums track 0° miss um up de tree. Wren de sun am up yo" is toc fawgit abo't de moon, De hen dat flies obah de kets offen flies intoe de pot. \ many kin say dey didn’ t. but mighty few kin prove \'mos’ any hook ull ansah nshahman ef his bait am ae (who hae mat asked him, ' Wr \ hahd day's wuck am etimes pleasant toe tink abo't aftah hit's done. t (egual to Dem dat show dair teeth in fun sometimes hab toc bite in urnest. SCIENTIFIC. He (ten PM. and the lamp turned low <t isn't at uicer, is it, Edith, that one should tind electric kisses when he goes parking” She—" Ves, gative is. positive.” ERRATIC \ Job lot—Boils. humorously) very queer, indeed, Mr. Standoff, when the lady's ENUNCIA TIONS. \ cool thief—A dead one, \ striking costume—One worn in a prize ring. Great minds run in the same channel—so do small ones, new version—A hook for an eye, a filling for a tooth, y be safely said that a ma « where the animal will find comp who has a habitual “dog” on is There is only one thing that will make a man feel happier than to DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND. nd docs mot want hint—" Vm sorry you can’t stay to tea with us.”” #—" I'm awfully glad that I'm sorry I've got to go.” find a forgotten dime in this year's, last year’s trousers, and that is to find a dollar *Ltake the will for the deed,” said the young man who, after having in vain tried to induce his wealthy uncle to transfer certain real estate to him, inherited it when the uncle die An old adage says that “ c¢ Yes, and lack of courtesy leaves them open. Won't somebogly please invent a new adage that will tell what will shut many doors ? esy opens many doors.” Nothing else is so. ated to work on a man’s sympathies as the sight of a young man’s painful effort at un brow with the hand with which he would lady if she hadn't cut him dead. rn while he is seratching his ave tipped his hat to a young The unde Yet deny the fact, if you can, That he’s that kind of That "sno fighter, boxer ways lays out his man OR THE TIGER? “degins (pausing on the doorstep) —" Shall | go and see my best girl to-night, or go and have a quiet game with Jim Fiveace ?” THE LADY HE WAS NOT EXACTLY HANDSOME. Crores oF waTans "The seaserpent ! the sea-serpent !!" Mi. Guaveney (coming out) “Tht folks down here seem ter be pretty blamed modest fer New Yorkers, 1 swow ! comicbooks.com