Judge — May 26, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “ REVENCHE.” IMMIGHOFFER stood outside of Brommer's saloon, going from one par- oxysm of laughter into another and curling himself up into a succession of howling knots, each one of which threatened to break him in two. Casey, the policeman, approached him, “Phwhat occasions hav’ yez f'r wakin’ ivery baby an th’ bhlock ?” he said. “Holt me tighde, Mishder Gasey, pefore I pust mein selluf. I vos pounced oudder saloon! Py Chim, I dinks I die mit choy mit it! Ha, ha, ha! ho, ho! he-he-he-ho!” and he actually turned purple. “Oi doan’ see annythin’ so dom funny t’ be kicked out av a dacint hotel like thot wan,” said Casey as he sent a curious gamin rolling across the street like a human pin-wheel, “ Vot's dat?” exclaimed Himmighoffer, “you don'd see noddings funny? Dot Brommer vos von ass-fool! Dot's vots funny, mein frent. I trank me ein glass bier, unt Brommer he vos showt me he’s trained fly dot he gebt from lasd sommer. Ven I tolt him dot I mein money lefd on der biano he mighdy kwick grabbed der bung-shdarter unt oud I vent—he-he-he-ho-ho! holt me, Misder Gasey ! He don’d know dot I skwallert der fly!” hae 7 BRIEFS. A preying band—A gang of burglars. Suited to a tea—The cup and saucer. A model woman—The tryer-on of cloaks. The latest thing out—Generally your last match, Caught ‘in the act—The player who forgets his lines, Can a bank that can’t stand a loan be called an infant industry? “T will now take de sense ob de meetin’,” said the “ free lecturer ;" but his audience had wild visions of a penny collection and bolted for the door. OBLIGING. Jones met a blind man in the street the other evening who, with stick in hand, was carefully thumping his way along. Presently he saw him stop. “Is this your house?” asked Jones. “ Well, then,” remarked our friend, always ready to do a good turn toa fellow-creature in distress, as he placed a box of wax tapers in his hand, “here’s something to light your way up stairs.” DECEPTIVE. “Isn't it sad to see so respectable looking a man in such a disreputable state of intoxicativ “Tt would be, Japhet, if he were intoxicated. It is the Rev. Mr. Coolbroth, and he is si trying to leave an elevated train as it goes over those reverse curves at the City Hall station. GO UP HEAD. Teacher—* Now, children, here we have the word ‘intuition; who can tell me what it means Phenomenally bright scholar— \ntuition is that faculty of the human mind which enables a person to distinguish, at a glance, a patent medicine advertisement from a real news article.” A DISTINCTION. “This horse you sold me is not worth his salt; You said he had not fault of any kind. "Tis false, sir, for the horse is wholly blind “That, friend, is his misfortune, not his fault. SHOCKING! Fashionable morality. Two ladies moving in the very highest social circles are conversing : “Thave a duty call to pay on Mme. B. Do you happen to know the days when she'll be sure to be out A DEFINITION. Congressman—The often dumb representative of several thousands of voices. THE PENALTY OF PRAISE. x Hixxtay—“Them critters has worked good terday, an’ I'm goin’ ter give ‘m & square feed !" Repery-pistexeen TRamr—" That's the first time anybody ever called me square an’ now see what I get fer it!" comicbooks.com