Judge — May 5, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “JUDGE” ON THE SURPLUS. IATEVER shall we do with it all U.S. statesmen ask, ‘The question few can answer, for it is a fearful task, The question has been et vaswsed by the governor of rach state, the nation’s halls has subject of debate, jost_ men with small 1, pockets would like id knaves who The Inna would now like to suggest a very easy way By which the nation can be rid of it in balf a day, “Tis not to fortify the land with massive forts and guns, Or give it as @ premium to the pension-agent duns; Nor to erect post-ofices in distant western spots Where there's but one inhabitant to fifty t All that the treasury has to do is to And let the little Wizard and his Wall-street gang inside. HOW IT WILL BE DONE IN THE FUTURE. Europe—" Yes. ber?” America—‘‘ Give me 9,999,999. You can talk now, madam.” Manager international matri- monial bureau—‘‘ Hello! At your servic American heiress—“ I'm num- ber 5,417 on your register. I wish to enter the holy bonds of wedlock before that despisable little widow Catchim. What have you in the titular department?” Manager—"'I regret to state What num- MAY POLES. The honest man has to make up to the landlord what he loses by the rogue. Some people who live in fine houses and pay big rents don't get enough to eat. The quiet, modest man who moves in the night is probably trying to jump his rent The chess-player is not the only one at this time who does not know how to move. The delinquent tenant, who has recei run down the house, The little fun in moving. el notice to vacate, is apt to. which is turned out into the wide, wide world sees very The landlord who is anxious to get a tenant in is often more anx ious to get him out. The letter-carrier who went to the trouble to learn his route has had his pains for nothing. The landlord is re him notice that you intend to move. A DOG WITH BAD HABITS. Dogs are allowed to ride on street cars in Rochester, THE RESULT OF A SUDDEN ZEPHYR ON THE AVENUE. enough to fix the roof after you have given The other day a combination spi : terrier, with dark hair about the mouth, tried to make the ac- quaintance of a little girl. “Go'way, dog!” she lisped. “1 don’t like dogs that chew to- bacco.” “Why, Ethel,” said her mother; “dogs don't chew to- bacco.” “Well, his mouth looks just like grandpa’s.” When throats are parched and tonsils dry, And hotnely physics are defeated, “Tix pleasant to have friends who try that our supply duke, periniless. Heiress—** Coat-of-arms genuine?” Manager—'*Bona fide, way back.” Heiress—‘*Good. I'll take him six weeks from to-day, please.” Manager—‘* You understand that you are to foot all the bills for the wedding and pay my commission?” Heiress—‘‘ Oh, certainly. How much?” Manager—“About $60,000 for the first, and a little trifie for me— say $25,000.” Heiress—‘‘All right. Present my name and compliments to the dear duke, and tell him I send telephone orders to-day, in my private cipher, for a solitaire diamond ring, sapphire scarf-pin. and check for $10,000 for his present contingencies, to be delivered at ouce. His name and address? Manag La Longa Sekemoneta, Tumbledown palace, Brigan- dazia, Ttaly Heiress—“ By the way, what's his age and st Manager—* I've forgotten; but I can look it up in a minute.” Heiress—** Oh, it’s of ne consequence whatever. I'm in haste to begin ordering my trousseau. Goo'-b id They met, he proposed, but she simply said His second attempt earned a spirited 7 ‘The third time she heeded his passionate plea, But then she had had the best two out of three. somewhat limited at present; but we have one live No" To have the dryness often treated. UTERAL. CaPtats op tHe Rep Stockxas oF THE Lams—" Cheese it, fellys! home plate: Der ball ‘s struck der “comicbooks.com