Judge — April 28, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE UNDERSIZED CONTRIBUTIONS. is occasionally compelled to drop the ond-pointed pen business and pry in- to some abuses with its crow-bar dipped in a pickling solution of carbolized vitriol. This particular subject is not a funny one. It used to be, but ich it formerly con- tained been squeezed by hy- drauli the shape of bitter tears, pounded by the anathemas. of weary hunters in the field of amusement, and hammered over the head by the pick-axes of miners of thought, until it looks like a leaky stuffed snake a Bowery museum, To spring right at the throat of the abuse, here is a letter and en- closure which oozed out of the mail-bag this morning:— UDG “Lowe Ban, Texas, 1838. Jentlemen—My great grandfather on my mother’s side took two lessons in drawing of Sir Joshua Reynolds, so that the enclosed sketch made by our little Pendexter does not sur- prise ux. He fs too young to leave home for good, but we are willing to allow him to doa certain amount of work for your paper, provided the question of payment for same can be amicably adjusted between us. We hold this particular sketch at $75, Including the tasteful and elaborate frame which we have had made for it, or at $73..0 without the frame, and would suggest that in the event of the acceptance of our demand. remittance be made care Longhorn & Spurr, Bankers, Lone Bar, Texas, With @ thoroughly appreciative feeling of the danger we run in launching the genius of our boy at such an early era in its existence, we remain, Yours in art, “8. Q. Rawuixos, © Mas. 8. Q. Rawiixos, “Mas 8. Q. Rawiinos's wormen.” At the risk of bumping up against the provisions of a tyrannic copyright law, here is Master Rawlings's sketch: mas. Bocas WET: NaS. BOGGS FYou AXE Smo- Wenig AGaya Tay AXE Sino MR: Boccs: | HAVE To 50 I THAT THERE, “) Then comes another * Dear sire—L want to suggest a subject for a cartune. Make Grover Cleveland roast- ing over hot coals, and me, in the shape of a devil with a pitchfork, prodding him; while my wife, Mrs. Gormley, looks on and comes to the conclusion that Rufus E. Gormley can turn ‘A QUERY. “Why are these men waiting on the curb of the muddy street?" Uke a worm under big provocation, even if quiet and peaceful at home. Make the cartune ‘as pear like the drawing as possible, and if you ever come this way I will show you tt and treat you white. Respectfully yours, ~ Reves E. Gonmury, Ex-Postmaster, ~ Three Ball River, Cumberland county, Maine.” This death-warrant was followed in the newspaper mail by an empty paste-board box on which postage had to be paid at its destina. tion, and then two days later came a roll in a tin telescope-case, wii on being opened and spread forth developed this negative: Vga, 5 C oe = aS 23, 7 One more Bloomingdale rasper of the sixty-two which were con- tained in that Pandora-box-like mail-bag will serve to show why the tonic manufacturers of the United States are running their laboratories on extra time to supply the demand from this office, and we will drop the tongs with which we have been holding the ‘exhibits ” in this case, and go on as well as we are able with more congenial work. © Portiaxp, Onzoox (no date) I take several papers and would like to stan with you on a scheme which will increase your circulation (and parenthetically mine), a good Republican president, shut off the wind of Chauncey M. Allison, and boom a man «bo has been set on so hand that bis ankles can't be picked out of his neck-vertebrae with any certainty. ‘The racket is this: “* Publish this sketch, which was made by nephew of mine from memory, and offer @ prize of $50,000 for the first correct solution, ‘As soon as you find out who it Is, send him $25,001 for @ campaign fund, which properly soaped out will ensure hiselection. Send me a certified check for $20,000 for the Idea, and keep $5,000 for yourself, which will amply pay you for the trouble you will have taken. If in ‘any event you don't choose to adopt my sug- gestion, keep {t mum, as I want to spring the same proposition on the Congressional Record and Lowell Timex as a syndicate. “‘Let me hear from you! Yours invariably, “ Cuangxce C. Bustann. * Per James 8. Goopwry.” HE WANTED A SQUARE MEAL, “Is Mr. Hinman in?” inquired a seedy-looking fellow of the hotel clerk, “Yes, sir; but he’s busy now and you can't see him. ner,” replied the clerk. “Tcouldn’t see him at a more opportune moment. kind enough to show me the dining-room?” *Porrer Jvpar, Fsq.—Dear sir: He's at din- Will you be AN ANSWER, “It is in Chicago, and they have been waiting to get across dry shod." comicbooks.com