Judge — April 14, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MUGSEY'S NEW AIR RIFLE, Mvosky—See me whack th’ stuM™n out *r that bottle on th’ rock, fellyx” Useasy Hetcurss (the tramp)—* 1 must hev shook that bottle up pretty hard t have bust like that." HARD TIMES. nve! Tean’t see how old Grinder’s clerks can afford he gives them.” Ito live?’ Why, man alive! Waiter—" Now you ‘re talkin’. Jimmy! Peck 'r nudes in a bucket, Bobley—"*1 to live on the it's because they A GOOD COOK. —e . position as a cook? You en boil a potate HE WANTED A HOUSE. ie a trooper and abuse delicate ladies, and Crushed tragedian—* 1 see you advertise houses to rent.” I have plenty of biceps to assault inoffensive Boil a votatot Realestate dealer— Yes, sir; Good heavens, child! you'r away can we do anything for you?” behind the age.” Crushed tragedian—"1 hope can't afford to die. usbands. so. You see Lam going toopen my season at the Twenty-first avenue theatre to-morrow night, and I thought if you could furnish me a house of about two thousand peo- ple Fd like to rent it for two hours andahalf. Nogo? Well, hereare two comp’s forthe show. Distribute them judiciously.” HER LOGICAL CONCLUSION. “Sh, no, Enever work,” he said With pride he gazed aloft “Indeed, Lalways sleep in gloves, It keeps my hands 80 soft.” “Tsee,” the cruel maid repli “How you accomplish t And, pretty sir, when sleepin Do you also wear your hat?” AT A STAMFORD HOTEL. Guest—" BilL-of-fare, waiter.” Waiter—" Bill-of what?” Guest—" Bill-of-fare.” Waiter—* Wait ‘Ml yer git yer fare, an’ ver'll bel a billof it. WI * Boiled cla clam fritters, stewed Ws, fricasseed clams, roast clams, clam. patties, chopped clams, clam hash, and clams.” Guest—"Give me some plain clams.” ysome, to apologize for disappointing you last tocome. I hope — ‘Gavwoue "Don't speak of ik, 3n, Loach. We water thought of it at all till after the company left, when pa noticed that the decanter on the side-board had ‘something left in it.” ON THE NAHANT ROCKS. Mr. Brewer-Brewer (getting in a little Browning business after the picnic-basket has been broached)— “See how the sunbeams cate! at facet in your claret-glass, Miss Fan- shaw.” Miss Fanshaw (Bangor, Maine) —* For the land's sake! Pick it out, won't you, Mr. Bruint I hate insec’s. A MODERN KNIGHT She—“Ah, John! before we were married you were always wishing you were one of the knights of old, so you might show your de votion; and now”— He—* Great heavens, Maria! did you ever hear of one of those old chivalry fellows jumping up from his paper to chop w: ASSUME A VIRTUE BUT HAVE IT NOT. Copied from the album of a wretched sceptic. “To succeed in life ony must seem to be stupid and good, Instone must take good care to be neither: Maud sees more beauty far than we~ Far-sighted elf; She sees it, though, where we cant That's in herself. comicbooks.com