Judge, 1888-04-07 · page 5 of 17
Judge — April 7, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of Judge's social commentary: **"The Fashionable Authoress"** mocks pretentious female writers who affect artistic airs—adopting Chinese-style handwriting, praising Thackeray and Byron—while lacking genuine talent. The piece suggests editors reject their work, yet they imagine themselves destined for literary immortality or marriage to wealthy men. **"Fourth Ward Philosophy"** presents working-class dialect humor about criminal lowlifes, contrasting those who "ain't got no right to have frien's" with flashy "sporty-boys" wearing long hair, implying superficial style masquerades as substance. **The remaining items** include brief jokes: "A Marital Rebuke" (Italian domestic scene), "That Mark-Down Coat" (wife's vanity about a faded garment), "A Rare Item" (German republic news), and "In Class-Meeting" (lukewarm religious faith expressed as mere tolerance). The humor relies on period stereotypes—affected women, immigrant accents, class divisions—reflecting late-19th-century American attitudes toward gender, immigrant communities, and social pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE 5 JUDGE'S PHOTOGRAPHS. —SS sy) THE FASHIONABLE AU- THORESS, Restless dimples toss and tumble in her rosy rounded chin as she pens her fragile r dainty quibble: meditative wrinkle rows cruelly within her snowy brow when she her pencil nibbles. With a reminiscent flavor she indites the pretty si which are throbbi her memorizing caske and if editors could only see her fa ting eyes, they wouldn't toss her verses in the basket. She affects a style of penman- ship akin to the Chinese, she criticises Thackeray’ produc! nd if you LL z would ask} y.and Jit emphasize the please, she'd prove the trath of Spencer's odd dedue- It it be Byronic stanzas, Tennysonian refrains or fancies culled from Keats or Mr. Tupper, her inspiration all her nervous system ins till she bathes her face and combs her hair for supper. She d her musings to her literary set or on missionary visi ls; for she spends her money helping. 1: al supplies them with a s novels, He ‘onvictions,” underwent a crushing blow at the quills of these ; but her clergyman avows he thinks her “Legend of the Snow * would make even Hindoo idols grow pathetic. It's beyond the ken of mortal to divine if she will live in a state of single blessedness symbolic; or whether, in the future, she her wealth and hand will gi poet with a love for life bucolic. Should a erthrow her muse's reign, if she don't let y y lead a string of social lions nd wed the wealthy, level-headed drummer, DEWITT sTERRY. yw Your. PHOTOGRAPHER. 36.RraRow tions. averse to songs iesthet common sense reaction morbid fi rcome her, she FOURTH WARD PHILOSOPHY. Crooks ain’t got no right to have any frien’s, cn’ will do time. De sporty-boy wot an wot wears long hair ain't allus er gospel sharp. “is one of de fly men, ‘n he wears his hair long. “De ‘A MARITAL REBUKE. Coos SpicouaTn—"Aha.a-a! Beatricci, why you letta ze leetle Roma walka—burta Let res ze lazee you getta,”* erbout four feet in de air, but er poor bloke wot's starvin’ wants er life preserver, Er life-preserver is er beef-stew, De duffer wot's allus tellin’ de gang how fly he is, is mostly de fust duck ter be turned up ‘n sent ter Sing twict. Yer musn’ white heart. Don’t siz cent hash fact ‘ink case er woman's got er pretty mug dat she’s got er jer up fer bein’ ¢ n don’t shave crook jest case he eats in er ten- He mebbe is er fly cop on er Er woman is de same all over de town. lin’ hogs? "F dey goes de Sever see hi "ds hust- nes dey're all right, but if dey goes de wrong way dere’s er big squeal. It's de same wid er woman, Pull her crooked ‘n she'll squ go up ds flume wid er rush. de hogs Md THAT MARK.DOWN COAT. Mux. Douay Don't you think you'd better leave the cape off, dear? 1a 80 very warn today, you know.” But she forgot that the coat had faded in the part exposed to the sua! A RARE ITEM. Editor (opening dispatch)—"* Well, here is some news!” Axsistant—" German republic proclaimed?” Editor —* No; prize-fight that wasn't a draw IN CLASS-MEETING. Brother Load-lead—"*Sister McSnoozleberry, can you tell us that you love the Lord?” Sister McSnoozteberry (reflectively)—‘* We-ll, I-I’ve nothin’ agin Him.” comicbooks.com