Judge, 1887-12-31 · page 5 of 18
Judge — December 31, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's humor: **"My Second Cousin Mary"** (top): A romantic poem about a man's awkward courtship with his cousin during a seaside holiday. The satire mocks sentimental Victorian romance and the social complications of cousin relationships—a real concern of the era due to marriage eligibility questions. **"Bad Enough"** and related sketches: Brief comic exchanges about mundane disappointments, including a postman's lost mail and a churchgoer's donation. **"A New Year's Tragedy—For Bad Boys"**: A cautionary tale about a boy who steals coins to buy a toy cannon against his father's wishes, resulting in injury when it explodes. This reflects period parental anxiety about dangerous toys and disobedience. **"Happiness in Store"**: A joke about a man pursuing a woman solely because her father is a wine merchant—satirizing mercenary courtship motivations. The drawings show period-appropriate clothing and street scenes. Overall, the page uses humor to comment on Victorian social conventions, courtship, parental authority, and materialism.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
in the summer by the loud- ings seat And I thought it quite peculiar she should waste her time on me. When I begged ar bowed her h “Twill tell you, own | ion she devoutly a fellow after my Lassumed the post of suitor as U thought it not asin To have her think me more than kind, a Tread to her from Byron in a tent pitched on the sand : : With the freedom of relationship 1 often pressed her hand ; Or ina creaky, rattling gig we joggled thro” 8 While my sweetest of divinities shook out the leather rei Till at last I looked upon her asa very tender frie (Thus man little less of fellowship with cou they're fase For the fellowship of cousins if they be of I recalled: to my re different sex closet of my A Has forever been a trouble and [fear‘twill You're a fellow after m; ever vex. BAD ENOUGH. isked Mrs. Pugwash. ‘You look like re going on,” returned the old Ia ou had lost a lot of mor id at's just how it is, mum,” replied the post: You see this thing has happened just around New-y evervbody remembers the postinan.” es ‘A UNIQUE CONTRIBUTION, ja ol Cowpexcmen (has just returned from along sajourn tn the west, and gets roped ‘n'y Church on eollection Sunday)—" Don’t look so blamed surprised, deacon! That's a s good fer a twenty-dollar shiner if yer'll mail ft ter wicked Mike Hogan pretty witch had So T marshalled all my feelings in a sentimenta And I quoted the expression to my second-cousin ) Buta neater, cooler answer mortal man will never get : “ You still are after it, dear Jack; you haven't caught up yet." be WITT sTERRY IN FRONT OF ST. PAUL'S CHURCH. BALDY (of White Plains)" They ain't no flies on that rooster’s beard, is they, + A NEW YEAR'S TRAGEDY—FOR BAD BOYS, LitUe Tommy wanted a toy cannon cuch as the other boys had for Christmas, but his father wouldn't get him one for fear he might hurt himself with it. But Tommy was bound that he wouldn't be left like that, and when his father was asleep that night he went and stole a quarter out of his trousers pocket. Before the sun was up the next morning Tommy had bought his cannon and was busy loading it in the back yard. At the first discharge there was an awful report and the cannon burst into a thousand pieces. Tommy will never ask his father for anything any more, HAPPINESS IN STORE. “ Why are you so anxious to have Miss Smith’s name put on your calling list ” asked Cobwigger. “Because,” replied Merritt, ‘her father is a wine merchant.” comicbooks.com