Judge, 1887-12-31 · page 12 of 18
Judge — December 31, 1887 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct satirical pieces about New Year's traditions. **"The Diamond Edition Dreadful's New Year's"** (top) is a humorous monologue by a mischievous boy explaining his failed New Year's resolution to be good. He describes pranks (pulling licks at school, firing a snowball at an apple woman) and his attempt at church reform, ultimately admitting he couldn't maintain goodness. The satire mocks children's insincere resolutions and their inevitable failure. **"Why They Do It"** features a brief dialogue where someone asks why men always promise new leaves on New Year's. The response suggests it's because men "are apt to" make such empty promises—satirizing adult hypocrisy about resolutions. The accompanying illustrations show a street scene with working-class figures and a New Year's Eve gathering, capturing period social life. **"New Year Philosophy"** offers cynical observations about the season: turkeys get eaten, resolutions don't last, people aren't truly thankful, and the intoxicated behavior of holiday revelers. This is straightforward satirical commentary on human nature during celebrations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
10 JUDGL THE DIAMOND EDITION DREADFUL'S NEW YEAR'S. Suy'n if a fell chew taffy, ha In Why don't I skip a green neckti But ’bout th wanter turn over a day school teachers ¢ would sorter peyunk ut as a bad boy example. jist once an’ be an alfired good boy to spi ron aude't be oughter ha Ldow't have nuthin’ sli sick of iam, [am Found out where the Sun tat it like si cai AK thie’ bone they paper berloons. We that you could what T could say it back’ards or f verses down so out to the t wat deal perfec write it ‘up und let folks Vhniow what aa tee aased my 1 Then I waltzed down to the church w an’ a big idear under my hat to make 1 you how “t came out. I lone b ‘k from the Dism: an’ said he was glad the days for bein’ good, put in th under my aru Say, ‘n’ T wante me, 1 out “HL box, sot meant me Ma g an’ had the mumps a Christ ea jim dandy N kin's at school an! wallopi myself under the o Tombs.” st sheep lad come back. ed out an’ changed my nickel as an’ couldn't I don't. ‘sat hum, », Edo. But I don't skip. t's got a feller who wears ayin’ shady fur that green tie, Iam, Let m y seem, leastwise not in my I wanter t wanter let me do the grand flop. ut for powder, you see, if tl nu a pointer. Things case by along shot. I agood boy, but them Su Th y didn’t have me de up my mind Td go im, What'd ldo? week ‘fore Laud n fire a friz cripple son w at lesson, I s tstick a pin in nt -op's Hoofsteps.” I dl myself out to make a splurge u all ‘bout it so "t you can Wak bad boy has now’. 3 nickel to h my book Did [? asn‘t no class fop 1 what kept wheezin® sup'tendent + ot up T knowed show, There Then t shun can’t a feller do the 's Without sumbody pokin’ mean things at him ? and.promuse 9 “TL suppose,” have such a big MeKexzir—" W Miss Laxua (fr WHY THEY DO IT. hat a delightful m Cincinnati Farwen Grpxey (rho has mld a bat fer weigh in th pitchfork, Wut, by gu NOT EXACTLY IN ACCORD. it would be if some one would favent a new flgure for the german.” Wouklnt tt They're so awfully stout, as a race.” HORSE, CART AND HIMSELF RULED OUT. Some folks might call j, + Tim goio’ ter git that five-cent pieve bach | NeW YEAR PHILOSOPHY. This is the time when the gobbler gets gob bled up. Jack Frost never forgets to give us one and all a call. It doesn’t take long to outlive the best of resolutions. We are apt to forget the things we should be thankful for. The people who are the least thankful often have the biggest turkey. The greedy boy sometimes gets sick just be fore the New Year dinner, The postman’s compliments of the season are not free from suspicion, This is the season when the darky likes to kill two birds with one stone. As we grow older we find it more difficult to get a new leaf to turn over. The convivial caller finds the ground grow ing more slippery after each call. One has to be a good customer t drink from the barkeeper on New Year. get a free The promiscuous caller finds himself in a great many places where he is not wanted. The man with a poor appetite cannot appre ciate this auspicious season at its full worth, In turning over a new leaf we find ourse swearing off the same things year after y ard luck when the late caller, who slippery stoop with maudlin step, basket to welcome hi JAMES JAY O'CONNELL. finds only a comicbooks.com An any of tongu Lil cattle that | of ty You thea’ gage adv follo “4 got a bo noth