Judge — December 1887 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHRISTMAS JUDGE SILENCING A BORE. fear I am wearying you with my prasy conversation, You look « little tired.” led ; I was only thinking how very tired you must be.” CHRISTMAS CONUNDRUMS. Why does a pawnbroker make a poor Santa Claus? Because he gives very little to the person who hangs up his stockings. Why is a kind father with a houseful of ch n like a bad ‘oy? Because they are both apt to get strappe What is the difference between the little soldier boy and the “cop” looking for Christmas presents? The one beats his drum and the other drums his beat. Why is Santa Claus like a school-teacher? Because he gains the small boy’s love by giving away things that cost him nothing. THE WEAKER VESSEL. “Mr. Dacey, it’s a wake woman thatI am, an’ yez knew it when yez married me, an’ it's breakin’ me heart, so it is, to be obliged to remind 'yez of the same almost iv'ry hour of the blissed day ! What is the difference between the foolish little girl who mon- keyed with the c. il and the bad child who fought the hired i One nurses her scratch and the other scratches her nurse. What is the difference between the girl who hangs up her stocking and the one who hangs up her mistletoe? About ten years. OC. A LUCKY BIRTH. “Whatever are you doing, hanging up both your stockings?” asked a mother of her little girl. “One is enough ; besides, you shouldn't be so greedy, my dear.” “I ain't greedy,” was the philosophical reply. “You must remember, ma, that I’m a twin.” NOT A BAD SCHEME. our late dreadful storms a friend of ours hit upon the happy idea ing lightning rods to the entire stock upon his farm, and did not (N. B.—THE IDEA 1S PATENTED. ) comicbooks.com