Judge — December 1887 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHRISTMAS OLD JUDGE SNIFFITS. THE, OLD SETTLER'S REMINISCENCE OF ONE, CHRISTMAS EVE. OON ez it begins to edge along to'ards Chris’mas time, Squire,” said the Old Settler, di chair nearer to the tavern fire- place, “I alluz think o’ ol’ Jedge M Sniffits, th’t usety live on the fur side o’ Lost Crow Barren, an’ the lively an’ elevatin’ Chris'mas eve th’t kim off wunst at the Bar Path Tavern, owin to his bang-up way o' distribitin justice without fear, favor or affection, year ago an’ better, over in ‘ugar Swamp deestric’. ‘The ol’ jedge—he wa'n't a jedge, ye know, but unly a justice o’ the peace; but ev’rybody called him jedge—the ol’ jedge were the Dan'l o' that deestric’, an’ w'enever he come to jedgment folks jist hel’ their breath an’ watched the splinters fly. He unly bench, bar an’ jury, but he were the legislatur’ too, ex pervidin’ law to suit the case in his bailiwick went; an’ if th’ were one thing he bragged on more th’n another, it were th’t he did'nt never waste no time in huntin’ up perceedents, but jist made perceedents ez he wanted ‘em. “The time th’t 1 started in to tell ye ‘bout, 1 were a youth to fortun’ an’ to fame onknown, but were fur enough along in years to know w’at tasted good with sugar an’ tanzy in it, an’ ez th’ were plenty of it goin’ in them days, at bottom prices, I wi din'ly happy. Sol Mudrush kep’ the B’ar Path T: roarin’ good un it were, too. One Fall, Adin ley, claimin’ th’t ’Riah Hambright owed him fourteen dollars back money on the price of a mulley heifer he had sold him, summonsed ’Riah to 'pear ‘fore ol’ Jedge Sniftiits an’ stan’ suit for the money. Th’ were consid’able doubt cz to whether the money were owin,’ an’ th’ were a tol'able good chance o’ 'Riah’s winnin his suit, ‘cause the ol’ jedge didn’t like Adinijah’s lawyer, Gabe Troop. Gabe had been town clerk, and he were fuller o’ law p'intsth'n a catty- piller is o’ hair, an’ the jedge couldn’t fergive him fer that. But Gabe were cunnin’ an’ he give 'Nijah good advice. He know’d th’t the jedye ‘d ruther hunt th’n eat. an’ th’t he had a houn’ th’t he thort more of th’n he did of hisself. That houn’ had the run o° the Court, an’ folks had to be mighty keerful an’ not hurt thedog’s feelin’s, an’ it wa'n't a dog th't a’ discriminatin’ stranger ’d_ha’ took to his bosom on sight, nuther, bein’ yaller an’ of & lumpy build. Gabe he goes to Adi- nv’ he ijah,’ says he, ‘now yev either got to go an’ takea hunt with the ol’ jedge an’ let him beat the life outen ye killin’ game, or else ye mus’ make 3 fuss over that ornery yaller houn’ o” his'n "en yer case is bein’ tried. Either one 'll be a big p’int in r favor, for it "Il be a per- ceedent th’t the jedge ‘Il make a note on.” “?Nijah couldn't go huntin’, so he said he'd pat an’ be lovin’ like to the jedge’s houn’ wenever the jedge were lookin’ durin’ the trial. The case kim up the da Chris'mas. _Jedge its’s Court were five miles fm the B’ar Path Tavern, an’ a lot of us fellers had gethered at ol’ Sol’s on Chris’mas Eve, an’ was waitin’ to hear the news fm the trial. Th’ was half a dozent o’ 'Nijah’s friends thar, an’ about the same number o’ 'Riah’s; an’ argyments ez to how the case ‘d be apt to go run hot an’high. Bimeby ol’ Sol say: “ «This here is Chris'mas Eve, boys,’ says he, ‘an’ a good time fer some fun. I'm a gittin’ up the best supper th’t ever were dished in this here shanty, an’ if 'Nijah Bailey wins the suit that air supper b'longs to his friends that’s here or may come in. If ’Riah Hambright wins, then the lay-out goes to stuff w’at friends he’s got ez wants to tackle it. So let’s all take an appetizer on it, an’ a Merry Chris'mas to ev'rybody, anyhow.’ “We done that 0’ course, without any hangin’ back The glasses hadn't hardly been emptied w’en clatterty-bang kim a hoss up to the door, an’ in bounced one o’ ’Nijah Bailey’s boys. JUDGE “*Hooray!’ he hollered. *Dad won! with him f'm the word go, fer dad jist ‘dan’ honeyfoogled that ornery houn’ o’ his'n all through, an’ ketched him solid. The jedge didn’t hardly wait to hear t'other side ‘fore he give jedgment fer our claim an’ costs. 1 piled right onter Betsey’ an’ hain’t be’n no more’n twenty minutes fetchin’ the news. Hooray ! let's ad/ tak Irink !” “Us fellers th’t was fer Riah was asick feelin’ lot an’ no mistake, but we took a drink. The smell o' old Sol's supper floated out inter our noses, an’ the idee th’t none of it wa’n’t fer us sot almost wild. 'Nijah’s friends begun to move inter the di room, all the time aggervatin’ us fellers with all sorts o' sayin’s an’ doin’s, ez we sot thar in the bar-room, hungry ez cattymounts an’ glum ez mourners. The ol’ jedge were “You fellers kin hev all th't we don’t git away with.” “*Never mind,’ says they. ‘You fellers kin hev all th’t we don’t git away with!’ they says,an'they howled a laughin’ an’ begun to set down to the feast. Jist then th’ kim another hoss clatterty- bangin’ up to the door, an’ the nex’ second one o’ 'Riah Ham- bright’s boys busted inter the tavern. “* Hooray !" he hollered.‘ Pap’s won !” “We was up an’ aroun’ him in a jiffy, an’ hollerin’ li him to ’splain hisself, an’ t’other fellers kim a rushi dinin’-room lookin’ wild an’ shee “«Pap’s won !' says ’Riah’s boy. an’ made a fool o’ hisself with th see we was gone f'm the sta n’ w'en the jedge give jedgment agin us we wa'n't s'prised. 'Nijah, he riz up wen he heerd the verdict an’ were walkin’ away, pleased ez Cuffy. The jedge’s houn’ follered him an’ jumped up agin him, wantin’ to be patted some more. But 'Nijah ’d had ‘nough o’ the houn’, an’ he up with his foot an’ histed the dog clean acrost theroom. Quicker’n flash the ol’ jedge rapped on his desk ’til the winders rattled. ‘rybody kim up a standin’. The jedge give one look at the yellin’ houn’ an’ then hollered out— ike mad fer outen the « By the way th’t Nijah patted jedge’s houn,’ says he, ‘we a.Thiriy “The jedgment o' this here Court's rewersed.” “*The jedgment o’' this here Court's rewersed, with costs on the plaintiff, an’ twenty-five dollars fine fer contempt o” court !’ “Squire,” concluded the Old Settler, “I can't begin to tell ye w'at follered. ’Nijah’s friends jist wilted down in their boots, an’ if us fellers didn’t mosey in an’ clean ol’ Sol’s table, an’ hev a Chris'mas Eve th’t almost riz the roof, then th’ hain’t no use o’ hist’ry bein’ writ!” Ed. Mott. comicbooks.com