Judge — December 1887 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHRISTMAS JUDGE if fer Ann. HEY ain't no tse denyin’ that w'en Chris’mus time is nigh A feller feels a sorter kind ter ev’ He min’s the monkey-shinin’s The Chris’ Thet use’ ter be w'en spel Afore his j'ints guy warnin’ w'en ‘war goin’ ter rain er snow, “‘Twar on a C a back, but still passon’s words | mind ‘Twar all erbout obeyin’, An’ you kin hyear m Ann tuk them lines ter heart, an’ she hes been *bejent wife An’ paid her clo’es an’ keepin’ with er right hard workin’ life. CHRISTMAS QUERIES. When a blind man is presented with an opera glass, can he see that he is being trifled with? When the object of an aged lover's de- votion presents him with a bottle of hair- dye, does he feel like dying ? up CHRISTMAS HINTS. The vain girl doesn’t want her stocking stuffed with saw-dust on Christmas. The Christmas stocking is a grab-bag where we all get a prize. Like all the good things in this world, Christmas comes very seldom. It is better to have your stocking filled than to have to fill one. The bald-headed man is flattered when his little son presents him with a hair-brush. WANTOFTACT. your family enjoyed the Christmas - tree Mrs. Kaccs— “All ‘cept my youngest brother Simmons. He’ got St. Vitus’s dance, an’ some blamed fool went an’ gin him a jumpin’-jack. He ain’t been well since.” Christmas is to a hundred-dollar bill as the meta- tarsus is to the end of a tack, There is a tender union and a most violent parting. Christmas is to the pocket as a hole is to a water-pitcher. Thereisa terrible upper pressure anda fearful non. Litre BaRNanas —"'I gave it to enity beneath. childhood to marry Miss us gif's an’ dinin’s, nus evenin’ that Ann an? me Oh Ann ‘Il be Lon'y wisht I'd tried myse’f ter please her oftener. THE LITTLE HOLIDAY CHERUB. Para (unloading tree)—** Ah! here's something nice for Uncle Frederick Unc, Freperick (recently betrothed )—-"* Ha-ha-ha} very g-good joke,—very good joke, indeed 1"" ‘ou, Uncle Fred.; Mama said last night that you must be in your second Burbeck, an'T thought you might like something to play with.” 1 don’t hev fancies often, but I'd raly like ter night Ter buy a Chris'mus gif’ fer Ann thet wouldn’ cost er sight; Vd raly like ter do it, An’ I won't lose nothin’ th’oo it Fer she'll feel ez ef she oughter pay me back in savin’ ways, An’ sen? more eggs, an’ butter too, ter town on market days. ry one thet's by ; he's a boy er right smart 1 take four yard of dark blue jeans, erthough till Spring is hyar I won't be need: fa'r Aw! ‘bout ten yard o! shirtin® Stuff, I reckon’ won't be hurt Even ef it lays er spell tell Ann kin see her way ‘Ter make it up in shirts fer me ter wear on ineetin’ day. * trouse’s - these I hey er putty say’ ighty proud ter know I’ve thunk on her! Law, w’en she spots thet 1 Aw’ jeans, she ‘Il come an’ say: ‘Oh 'Liphalet a Wilder MeGlasson. When the man who is troubled with indigestion gets invited to a Christmas dinner he forgets all about his dyspepsi ‘The man who pays a quarter to throw dice for a turkey soon realizes that it is cheaper to buy one. ‘The colored man works hard for his turkey, but it doesn’t cost him much. Santa Cl isa gay old Romeo. — He has tixed itso that while the men receive only thanks the girls get all the presents. DEATH TO THAT GOOSE. It is alleged by some that the Christmas goose hangs high; but if it doesn’t come down in defe encg to the s son” it is goose the — Chi flavor, and should have it- self knocked out even to the stuff- ing within its offensive breast. the ithout istmas: Christmas is to religion as stock is to the quota- tion-list. ‘There is a sudden spurt upward, and what Shake- speare-Bacon calls a ‘linger- ing languish- ment.” y Santa Claus forgets the bad boy. comicbooks.com