Judge, 1887-11-19 · page 5 of 16
Judge — November 19, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor: **"A Sworn-Off Gambler"** tells a rural dialect story about a farmer who lost his savings betting on pig weights with a friend named Ephraim. The satire targets gullible gamblers and rural credulity—the narrator trusted his friend's inside information only to be cheated when Ephraim gave accurate figures to someone else instead. **"Old Chocolate's Target Practice"** uses African American dialect (common in period humor, now offensive) to present folk wisdom through contradictory proverbs, mocking pretentious philosophy. The remaining items are brief joke pieces: **"The Real Article"** satirizes restaurant food quality by suggesting even spoiled milk proves authenticity; **"The Labor Question"** mocks labor strikes by contrasting starving lockout workers with wealthy blacksmiths always striking; **"Very Natural Mistake"** plays on a painting titled "A Scene in Kentucky"; and shorter pieces joke about death, art criticism, and children's manners. The page reflects Gilded Age social attitudes and focuses on domestic humor rather than specific political events.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE A SWORN-OFF GAMBLER. air Berkshire? Not terday. Lain’t guessin’ much ‘s I uster Sence th’ fall thet Ephr'im Gray Killed his sty-ful up ter Canaan. Didn't heerd ‘bout Ephr'im’s hogs? Set right daown, an’ list’n, sonny ; 1 got sold like rollin’ loge. Eph, he advytised a guessin’ an’ me Allus stood by one another Clus ez bark ter hick’ry tree. Kind’r trav'led in doubl’ harness, Eph an’ me did in them days ; How'd he do it?) This way, cuss him { Tol’ me thet he'd weighed his swine ; Gev me p'ints on ev'ry carcass ‘Thin a paound ; ** ¥* know they's mine, Gabe,” says Ephr'im, “bend yer ear daown ; 1 don’ want them hogs ter stray Out'’r side’r Canaan township ; Lay yer pile on what I say.” Well, th’ long an’ short th’ bizness, Wuz thet I went daown ‘n mv’ pu’s Clean inter th’ very bottom, Jes’ ter ‘bleege th’ onery cuss. Drawed a porker? Drawed a nothin’! What you s'pose thet scaoundrel done + Blast his ‘tarnel, measly jacket ! Went clean back on me, fer stays. Arter I hed paid m' money Giv’ Krect figgers to his son! OLD CHOCOLATE’S TARGET PRACTICE. A grudge ull nebbah outlaw. % many sweets become bittahs at las’, Dar'’s sometimes a tack in de chair. Slandah, laik a snow-ball, gits ah de fudder hit rolls. Dar's many a good leftenant spilt by makin’ ‘im a cap'en. Drunken men fight w’en da nuflin’ to fight fo’. Hit am a was'e ob time toe dig. fo" watah on de bank ob a ribber. see yo’ chance, grab ar. Hita'n't got no tail MO toe coteh hol’ ob. j : LE! i - sa Hiah yo’ gaaden planted, an’ tin dig an’ haavest hit on Thecarthree tioksaway. Thecar twoblocks away, The car one block away. 1’ wha's yo! truck é ‘The car passing. The car stopping. Gentle reader, did you ever notice one of the gentler sex hailing a street car + Our artist sketched the above on Broadway one day last week, Chickens dun been stole ebah ‘ — _ » dar’s been chickens, an’ er boun’ toe git took ez long ez hens THE REAL ARTICLE. ‘ Ata restaurant A customer in a disgusted tone of voice: this milk is turned.” exclaims the delighted vender of comestibles; “and prove, sir? Why, sir, it proves that the article served like everything else sold in this restaurant, genuine, and not a deceiving combination of chalk and water, sir.” Lightnin’ am no respectah ob pussons. Hit am ez li'ble to strike de hen-house ob de deacon as hit am de baan ob de sinnah. 4.4 wat THE LABOR QUESTION. When laborers a lockout form They starve, while doing as they like; Yet wealthy blacksmiths brave the storm Although they're always on the strike. VERY NATURAL MISTAKE. isitor (in art gallery)—‘* Yes, it is a beautiful picture. Is it still life 7” No, sir; why do you ask t” Visitor—“ Because I see it beled * A Scene in Kentucky.’” POSTHUMOUS HONORS. but Z / Some one was speaking before a witty woman of the fate that ee j - seemed generally to overtake literary men and artists—that of ant 3 being appreciated only after death. he : “Yes,” was her laughing comment; “the critics are genuine to y = ghouls; they prize only the talent they have unearthed.” ful b NATURALLY. PY “Come, now, Master Tommy! when mamma gives you a real irry RETALIATORY. * nice piece of cake, what do you say ? er won't give me nothink, boss + Well, jest wait till yer axes a favor 0° page . ” Please, mamma, give me some more. il an hin’ weither!” last comicbooks.com