Judge — October 8, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The autumn leaves are here, Oh, rt My wife will gather them, fear. She says they'll look when pressed ; I suppose she must know best, But I myself am so distressed, I drop a tear. Thave begged upon my knees The breeze real sweet” JUDGE If in any of my books Inok, Or my papers they are “took,” ‘And shook, A shower of leaves rom them will spring Like robin redbreasts on the wing, Covering up most everything, xcept the cook. Would not another leaf blow off The tree For it makes me really wilt, To see the house that T have built Fransformed into a crar. itt By these Blankit’ bla Autumn lea’ t blanked!!! curr. THE WAY OF THE WORLD. “It's an awful sin for a man to go to the and lose the mon that his y ought to have Mrs. Cantwell ; ‘but if he can go there and win mon don’t think it is any worse than speculatin: in Wall street.” AT THE CAPITOL Visitor —* Who are all the men standing around the senate Resident—"O, they are set tors.” Visitor: side ¢ Resident—“ Yes, there is one inside, but it is Evarts, and he is maki: speech.” WILLIE’S MISTAKE. New York boy—" Oh, ma, what yrlittle narrow belt !” * That isn't the waist your sister's new ball dress.” HOW SHE MANAGED IT, DeHaven—“I tell you what, DeYoung, I have the sharpest wife you ever saw in your life. Why, the other day I’ yave her just barely enough money to go out and buy one dress, and if you'll believe it she came home with two.” DeYoung—"That is How did she manage it ?” DeHaren—“ Why, she bought one and the other she had on when she went out.” “Are there any in- sharp. NO WONDER. “My dear fellow, you'll scarcely credit it, but my e will insist on keeping the servant we have now, in spite of the fact that she’s a poor cook, untidy and a thief.” “Yes, but you must remember that she’s also ugly.” It is only when in love thatthe gambler is satisfied to hold a small hand. HIS STOCK IN DANGER. ‘Swat novs—* Say, Farmer Waterall, yer cow is out in th back yard wid a turnip stuck {in {ts throat, an* it'll cLoke if yer dou't hurry up.” And— Farmer Waterall investigates. NOT TOO MUCH. Customer (to barber)—"*Why do you charge me fifteen cents for a shave ?” Barber—‘‘ That's right, sir ; a plainshave is ten cents, but you had a bay rum cocktail with lavender bitters, Next ! IT WORKS WELL, Brown— What are you doing these days, Jenkins t Jenkins—“* Well, I ain lecturing for the anti-poverty society. Brown—* But you don’t believe in it ¢* Jenkins—*Don't I believe in it? [am mak- ing more money with less work than I hav: since I was an alderman. NOT FIXED FOR COMPANY, Maid (to absent-minded invalid)—“ The doctor is here, sir.” Absent-minded invalid—""Well, you just tell hint that I am not able to see anyone to-day. A BIT OF WISDOM. Found in an albun “The most effective raillery is that which not be answered without rend the victim ridiculous.” s “Conundrums are invaluable in society, They constitute the s amusement which succeeds in making the stupid seem witty and the wise foolish. HARD TO CATCH. “When do they hold the post mortem on the dead letters :1 Washington, pa? asked littl Johnny, who felt. sure he had at last stumped the old man. “When they open them, my boy,” chuckled old Brown, look- ing very funny. A POINT IN GRAMMAR. Pupil—Is it. proper to say ‘the weather is delightful’ ?” Teacher--" No, you should say ‘the weather is disgraeeable.’” “ L" CRANKS. The person who would sooner stand up than ride backward. The man who is always asking the conductor for his number, The man who loses his hat out of the window and wants to jump after it. The woman who can't find any other place for her bundles than a vacant seat. The hot-headed being who curses the conductor for not letting hin on after the gates are closed. The absent-minded wight who doesn’t know he has reached his station until the gates are closed. The obstinate citizen who in- sista upon standing on the plat form when there is plenty of room inside. The man in the right often gets Teft m this world.