Judge — September 17, 1887 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ON THE STRICT Q. T. BY EDWIN ATW "ES, even the women have left me ; [rest on the counter ur- bought, ‘And between you and me and the doorpost I haven't the heart to retort. ki yer with Henry, and brother James Philistine and savage, have still insect And then there's th tudy " to handle and it nets me five thousand a y And I've got to fill tes n' mortal columns with the shreds of iny simple idea, in the life of a human who tries the elect ones to blulf called by the bankers and finds he can’t put up the stuff? Does there com A time when cott or Valdes, Oh, I'm greater than Dickens or Balzac, th . ‘ou don't dare be vulgar But the stamp of the vulgar's refreshing, wh that way, For I'm weary of maids lac And the cult of the crew ana Of the real life, that is, that a school-girl may know with cheek . Great Scott! How I long for a story where the heart and the mind of man 0 ic and th ant of the realist schools ut reddening speak ! Thank Ve wen for Tolstoi! he’s saved me, [ have tamed him and made him my own: When I pat his broad back people fancy Lcan claim to pretend to his crown. -y well over there, » down over here. ng-school miss— if I tried to describe a real kiss Henry sits on the skirts of de For what’sthought not Confound it ! This fe That I write for, wou! Zola—which is all v * combats and Tcan't.) Wo DON HLL naturally blessed with a generous share of pedal extremity as you will obser In addition to what nature had gi , however, I had these slippers built several inches longer and p normously heavy and expansive heel foundations. One evening I had made up all except the slipp of theni couldn't be found searched high and low slippers. It was impossible for me te on in my stock- ing feet (the property line of slippers having ran short), and it was equally impos- sible for me to on with only one, as the high heel would soon have transformed me into a cripple with a pro: nounced and well d:fined limp. ‘The curtain to be kept down until that slipper found, The whole troupe nt to work oa warrant issued by ; of the stage man: And where do you think we located that two-foot bit of cobbler’s brie-a-brac ? Down a rat: hole, all except the he THE JUDGE'S BENCH WHIT- TLINGS General Rosec favorite in Washington, where he holdsa high govern- ment position. He is regarded a crusty, cross and disoblig- ing. No one would suspect him. of baving any broad humor in his composition. One of his old army comrades tells me that dur the wara lady came to Rosecrans and amid a deluge of tears asked for a pass across the lines to see her uncle, who was very ill, she said, and might not recover. Rosecrans had rea- son to suspect the family, but i x the rejec- $s is not a Jack— Ethel, Tam ashamed of you. repeatedly. Why didn’t you tell hin to stop ?” Erne —" { couldn't, Jack.” Jack -" You couldn't? Why not #° Erux:— Lean’t speak French.” ‘A POOR EXCUSE IS BETTER THAN NONE. Isaw that Frenchman in the conservatory kissing you SPIDER, weary, sad and disheartened, one day called upon an owl and thus spoke of his trials and tribulations. **O, wise owl | I have come to you for advice and see if you could suggest to me any way outof my difficulties. I believe I am the most persecuted being on the face of the earth, “No matter where I build my home it is destroyed. I have woven the silken threads around almost everything that I thought would never be molested, but it is always the same old story—‘ Destruction’. Now can you give me any assistance 2” Then spoke the owl—* 0, foolish spider! If thou hadst half as much brains as perseverance thou wouldst have found, ere this, a place of safety, but I willdirect you. Goyou at once to the nearest fashion able church and weave your dwelling over the hole in the lid of the charity box, and there you will never be disturbed.” The spider went forth with great rejoicings and did as bidden by the owl and his house remains there even to this day. Moral—Never say die. Fe a. HOWARTH. tion depend on his suspicion he said, ‘Iam sorry, my dear woman, that your uncle is ill. My uncle Sam is also ill. “When he recovers I may be able to accommodate you and let you go over to see your uncle. But not today. Your visitto your uncle being dependent on my uncle's recovery, I trust you willdo your duty Sam to get While the Ives affair was running Ingh and the young Napoleon of Wall street was baffling the efforts of those who wanted to inspect his books I ran acrosss Colonel C. W. Moulton of Ohio. Said the Colonel, “The reply of Ives to his pursuers reminds me of the boy whose mother had promised him a penny for every fresh egg he would find and bring to the house. The lad found a nest and there- after regularly brought in an egg every day. His mother began to tire of her expendi- ture and one day asked him where was the nest. * Mother,’ said the lad, * The hen knows and I know, and that's enough,’ General George H. Sheridan “of Louisiana " is almost as much of a public character as General Phil Sheri whom he is often mistaken because they have the same name and military _ title. General George Sheridan noted for his oratorical ability and for his wit. Talking about Canada the other day he said, “T'm dead against annexa- tion until I get too old to steal.” CARSON LAKE. comicbooks.com