Judge — September 10, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sidpe- THE PIRATICAL LOBSTER. IS lair was in a coral cave adjacent to the land Where many a maiden showed her form upon the silver sand, Oh, greedy was the hungry maw of this crustacean king. Who used to gather all his hordes about him in the spring. His appetite particular it often caused him throes ; Hed lay in wait through all the day for some fair maiden’s toes. A pinky set of pedals rare, a snowy ankle white, They never failed to draw him forth; he loved this dainty bite. Oh, Ichabod it was his name, he wore upon his shell A coat of arms engraven deep whereon he loved to dwell. His servants hung his Sunday shirt upon the cable strand, * And watched the pretty maidens pose upon the silver sand. “Oh! Ichabod, come forth !” they cry ; “a maiden’s in the way He dropped his billiard cue and drew his form from out the cave, He nipped the pinky toe—a yell ; another. Ichabod Lies crushed upon an oyster shell Chicago maid had trod. W. 8. RELLER AN ENTRANCING VISION. “Polosse, coomble-se here. You read in dot bible auf dot Hebrew’s shildrens peen in der vilderness more ash forty years, un any new collodings in all dot time, unt vas come into der bromised landt mit der same old coats unt pandts vot dey shtart out fon Egypt mit. “Yaw, fader, I’ read me dot alreaty, but vot kind of galgulations you make out fon dot 2” “Polosse, you got no inshtincts for peesness. Mine crashus, Po- losse! uf [ peen in Jericho mit dis shtock auf collodings ven dem Hebrews comed ofer I could bought der elefated railroad from Cyrus. Fieldt unt hadt tree tousand tollars left to shtart a new shtore in der next town.” : ‘Fader, you got a level headt like a flour-parrel unt ought to write boetry for der noosepapers. Shange der card on dot bair of pandts from 40 inches to 38 vot der dew fell on unt’shrunk last night. Crashus, vot an idea dot vos!” BUZZ SAWS. It is harder to undo a knot than to tie one, especially a matrimo- nial knot. The man who picks his teeth in front of Delmonico’s hasn't always dined inside. eas 7 aa The silly moth alw: looks on the bright side of things, In this world joy is measured by the cup; trouble by the peck. Perhaps a blind boil can’t see, but he is mighty sensitive all the same. It is the organ- grinder whose life is one ‘“demd_ horrid grind” who does us all a bad turn. to be neither here nor there when’ you want to catch him. Thesmall boy who gets up early on Sunday to go fishing often gets sent to church. It is funny how many people com- mit suicide with those rat poisons that are advertised as being harmless to the human race. yh, yes; that is, I commenced to read it, Ieee Ta Peomsncced to feed i bal K'wanteuch an ‘effort I couldn't finish ft.” passin’. NEW MODEL DUELING PISTOL Designed for use in the Boulanger-Ferry controversy. WORLDLY SERMONS. The church mouse doesn’t seem to grow fat on the crumbs of comfort the minister lets fall from the pulpit. The confidential clerk who embezzles his employer's maney to speculate with never gets un the right side of the market, The gauger can be so conscientious in sampling as to make himself drunk. The bad dog has little trouble in escaping the dog-catchers, but the good little dog gets scooped in every time. A GAME OF CHANCE. Old lady—"'1 think it is perfectly awful the way the young men of to-day are captivated by games of chance, don't you ?” Old gentleman—“Oh no, ma'am; I’m a reg- ular attendant at the baseball games myself.” DIDN'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THEM. Young woman (to amateur actor)—*I hear you acquitted yourself admirably on the stage the other night. Are you a lover of the sock and buskin ?” Amateur actor—"* Well, to tell the truth, 1 don’t know much about buskins.” MADE ONE HOME RUN. “How many runs did you make to-day, Jimmy ?” asked a boy of a member of the New York club-bre: “Forty-four.” “Any home a One; me mudder got there in de fif innings.” NOT ANXIOUS TO STAY. “Are there any bears in this vicin- ity?” inquired a hunter from the city as he stepped off the train up in Ulster county. * Yes, sir,” replied the station agent. “A big fellow was .seen just west of the village yesterday. He looked to be ten feet long.” “Er — what time does the next train go back to New York ?” dif'rence w'ish side ob de road yo’ leave ez long ez yo' is tres-